Another punishment :( But it's actually a good one I think hehe. I have to discuss my hard limits and why I have them. Basically all my hard limits are things that just don't do it for me and never will. Plus they really freak me out LOL. I know- to each his own. That's fine if you are into these things- they're just not for me.
So hard limits- needle play, blood, scat, no watersports of any kind. Diapers, enemas, pony/puppy play, animals and children of course! Again- fine with me if that does it for you- but no I will never be taking part in any of that. Things that don't do it for me but am open to if my partner enjoys it- electrical play, age play- I'm talking like college student/professor or high school student/teacher. Antything younger- like baby or little girl- out of the question. Also I'm not really into verbal humiliation. If the reason for the verbal humiliation is to "put me in my place"- I think physical humiliation is just as effective if not more so. Not to say you can't call me slut, bitch, dirty girl etc. That's fine- I just don't like put downs like "your pathetic" "your worthless" etc. No- I'm not worthless or pathetic and I wont put up with that. If your showing me who is in charge- do it another way. It's just as effective to have me walk around naked or sit at your feet or have me bend over exposing everything. To me that works better than saying someone is worthless or saying things like "fuck you"- that just gets to me emotionally and doesn't make me want to submit- it makes me want to fight back and tell you off. Also- I'm a sub, not a slave. I don't want to feel worthless or less than. I'm a person- don't degrade me emotionally. Physically, fine- you want to act like I'm nothing but a sex object- great, actually that could be fun in some ways. But don't mess with my emotions and put me down. Make sense?
I might have forgotten some hard limits- there's so many different things out there that it is hard to remember them all. So that is why communication is key- I think I have a right to say at any time "nope- not happening", after all it is MY body. So at this point everything else not listed is open for negotiation and I'm willing to try. How else am I supposed to know if I will enjoy it or not? I've done a few things now that I thought were limits for me in the heat of the moment and actually enjoyed them! So- hard limits- definately no question. Everything else- open to trying once to see if I like it and then decide if it is for me or not.
Well- went over limits, how about things I am really interested in trying or know I like? Bondage, rough play, spanking, hair pulling, dirty talk, rules and tasks, biting, floggers, paddles, some role play- not all the time. I prefer me to be me and you to be you. Blindfolds, sensory play, wax, face slapping (not hard enough to leave a mark or even for me to feel the next day! Just a little playful slap) Not sure if I would call it breath play- just a little pressure, not completely cutting off oxygen.
OK- let me clarify again what I am looking for LOL. Maybe I'm not explaining myself properly. When I say I'm not looking for a LTR- I don't mean I'm just looking to hook up with random people all the time! There has to be trust there- a connection, something! I just mean I don't have to find a "boyfriend"- doesn't have to have that label. It can be a Dom/sub Master/slave dynamic. If it develops into more- great!, if not- fine! but there does have to be trust and respect there. If your going to be tying me up and spanking me, using a flogger- damn straight I better know and trust you! To me D/s is about more than just a physical connection, sex. It goes deeper than that- I think if anything you need to be great friends first. A partner in crime- someone you can confide in, know they are not only looking out for themselves but you as well.
Also- I'm taking this seriously. I am seriously looking for a Dom. So if I am discussing things with you at this point and am opening up to you- I find there is a connection there. I will be honest- at this point I am chatting with two individuals- both great people. I'm not chatting with others and not looking to chat with others right now because as I said I am taking this seriously. I'm not just looking to play games and flirt via IM. I have to say- both great people and there might be a connection there with both. Same kinks, personalities mesh well. So here I go- being open. I don't like to chat with more than one person, I can't read minds, I can only take it so far myself- so if you like me come get me! LOL I'm not good with subtle and I know some don't like you chatting with others at the same time- again I don't get subtle- I'm a ditz. So at this point if you feel a connection and want to see if we get along- the ball is in your court :)
Friday, August 6, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Bucket List
So I've been thinking again- hell, when do I ever NOT think?! It would be nice not to sometimes :) But that's just how my brain works- on overdrive all the time. Anyways- all this "self discovery" I've been going through recently has made me realize I've just been sitting back and letting life pass me by. There are so many things I want to do in life- but never have! I decided I don't want to live life full of regrets or shoulda, coulda, woulda attitude. At the end of my life I want to look back and think "Wow! I really lived life to the fullest!" I'm only 27 yet for some reason I feel like I'm 60 most of the time. I've let life get to me- I've taken things too seriously- I need to live!
So I started thinking- well there are so many things I want to try- how do I remember all of them? Then- click! Idea! Bucket list! I'm convinced everyone needs one now. But since I'm such a kinky person- half of the things on my list are kinky things I want to try hehe. Also- I'm still adding so who knows how long this list will get. As I think of new things I will come back and add to my list. Most of you will probably look at my list and think "oh geez! I've done that 50 times!" Well- so what if you have- this is my list! There are three reasons some things on my list are just everyday occurences for some. 1)- I'm only 27! 2) I lived a very sheltered life growing up 3) Like I said- I've let life pass me by for the past 27 years- I was too scared to even consider doing 90% of the things I want to- but not anymore! Also- if you don't understand something on my list- I'm not even going to start explaining- I'll just say- yes I'm a very odd person- but if you have not figured that out by now- then you have problems.
Bucket List
1. Spend a day in bed
2. Eat ice cream for dinner
3. Parasail
4. Go wine tasting
5. Go on a cruise
6. Run a marathon
7. Take a pole dancing class
8. Sing bad, drunk karaoke
9. Have a make out session like a teenager again
10. Visit New York and go on a shopping spree and see all the broadyway shows
11. Try burlesque dancing
12. Have a threesome- a real threesome this time!
13. Write an erotic story
14. Go to Eurpoe
15. Get another tattoo- maybe 2
16. Water ski
17. Take a bath in Jell-o or chocolate syrup- actually both :)
18. Start a blog- check!
19. Find someone I'm head over heels in love with and feels the same about me- someday, not talking like tomorrow LOL
20. Spend a whole day at the spa and have the full treatment
21. Wrestle- and I mean truly wrestle!
22. Write a book
23. Go to an audition
24. Streak
25. Ride on a motorcycle
26. Go to Jamaica
27. Go to a nude beach
28. Pay it forward
29. Go to a strip club
30. Laugh so hard I pee my pants- ok so maybe not LOL- laugh so hard my sides ache and I can't stop laughing?
31. Do a strip tease
32. Scuba dive
33. Stay up all night doing god knows what
34. See exactly how many times I can have sex in a 24 hour period
35. Swim with dolphins
36. Beer chugging contest
37. Chubby bunny
38. Find a gay husband
39. Outsmart R- LOL
40. Become comfortable with being nude
41. Color my hair bright pink
42. Visit every baseball stadium in the U.S.
43. Take part in an erotic photoshoot
44. Learn to play golf- while wearing the most ridiculous outfit ever!
45. Start making out in a mattress store and see how far the clerk lets it go
46. Try every position in kama sutra
47. See exactly how long I can go without an orgasm
48. Run around outside singing "The hills are alive with the sound of music.."
49. Rape role play scene
50. Try for one day to be a Domme- LOL even though it would do nothing for me and I would fail miserably
51. Roll around in a big pile of money
52. Embarass my daughter with naked baby pictures- show them to her first serious boyfriend
53. Sleep on 1500 count egyptian cotton sheets
Like I said I will keep adding to my list- especially kinky things hehe. There is so much I want to try but at this point of course- I can't think of any of them!
Psst- R! You will not get the satisfaction of "tap.. tap.. tap"- ok so you probably will but I like to talk crap!
So I started thinking- well there are so many things I want to try- how do I remember all of them? Then- click! Idea! Bucket list! I'm convinced everyone needs one now. But since I'm such a kinky person- half of the things on my list are kinky things I want to try hehe. Also- I'm still adding so who knows how long this list will get. As I think of new things I will come back and add to my list. Most of you will probably look at my list and think "oh geez! I've done that 50 times!" Well- so what if you have- this is my list! There are three reasons some things on my list are just everyday occurences for some. 1)- I'm only 27! 2) I lived a very sheltered life growing up 3) Like I said- I've let life pass me by for the past 27 years- I was too scared to even consider doing 90% of the things I want to- but not anymore! Also- if you don't understand something on my list- I'm not even going to start explaining- I'll just say- yes I'm a very odd person- but if you have not figured that out by now- then you have problems.
Bucket List
1. Spend a day in bed
2. Eat ice cream for dinner
3. Parasail
4. Go wine tasting
5. Go on a cruise
6. Run a marathon
7. Take a pole dancing class
8. Sing bad, drunk karaoke
9. Have a make out session like a teenager again
10. Visit New York and go on a shopping spree and see all the broadyway shows
11. Try burlesque dancing
12. Have a threesome- a real threesome this time!
13. Write an erotic story
14. Go to Eurpoe
15. Get another tattoo- maybe 2
16. Water ski
17. Take a bath in Jell-o or chocolate syrup- actually both :)
18. Start a blog- check!
19. Find someone I'm head over heels in love with and feels the same about me- someday, not talking like tomorrow LOL
20. Spend a whole day at the spa and have the full treatment
21. Wrestle- and I mean truly wrestle!
22. Write a book
23. Go to an audition
24. Streak
25. Ride on a motorcycle
26. Go to Jamaica
27. Go to a nude beach
28. Pay it forward
29. Go to a strip club
30. Laugh so hard I pee my pants- ok so maybe not LOL- laugh so hard my sides ache and I can't stop laughing?
31. Do a strip tease
32. Scuba dive
33. Stay up all night doing god knows what
34. See exactly how many times I can have sex in a 24 hour period
35. Swim with dolphins
36. Beer chugging contest
37. Chubby bunny
38. Find a gay husband
39. Outsmart R- LOL
40. Become comfortable with being nude
41. Color my hair bright pink
42. Visit every baseball stadium in the U.S.
43. Take part in an erotic photoshoot
44. Learn to play golf- while wearing the most ridiculous outfit ever!
45. Start making out in a mattress store and see how far the clerk lets it go
46. Try every position in kama sutra
47. See exactly how long I can go without an orgasm
48. Run around outside singing "The hills are alive with the sound of music.."
49. Rape role play scene
50. Try for one day to be a Domme- LOL even though it would do nothing for me and I would fail miserably
51. Roll around in a big pile of money
52. Embarass my daughter with naked baby pictures- show them to her first serious boyfriend
53. Sleep on 1500 count egyptian cotton sheets
Like I said I will keep adding to my list- especially kinky things hehe. There is so much I want to try but at this point of course- I can't think of any of them!
Psst- R! You will not get the satisfaction of "tap.. tap.. tap"- ok so you probably will but I like to talk crap!
Monday, August 2, 2010
Lets Get Ready To Rumble!!!
So- me and my big mouth have gotten myself into a little bit of a predicament-again. I'm not going to say what it is at this point- but I will say R- bring it! Mr. Big Talker! Think your all that- think I can't handle it. We'll see- I'm the most stubborn person you will ever meet. I'm a redhead, part Irish and a Taurus- deadly combination! Lethal! (OK- not really but I like to talk big) You think I'm worried? No- I'll just sick Mistress Trinity on you after- no wait you would enjoy that too much, nevermind!
Oh- it is going to be a good post once this little fiasco actually takes place. That is if I can suck up my defeat and actually have the strength to type! Yeah right- I can so take you! I grew up with two older brothers and all the boys used to beat up on me on the playground- you don't scare me hehe. (OK- so that is a complete lie! Well not the brothers and boys- but the scaring me part- well maybe not scare, kind of.. alright dammit- yes, scare!) I can take care of myself- you think I'm some wimpy little girl who is worried about breaking a nail? Ha- not at all! (That is soooo me!) All I have to say is watch your back R! Watch it! I'm quick and you never know when I'll pounce. (alright- I'm so not stealth.) Just you wait! It is so on!
(somebody help me! just kidding)
Oh- it is going to be a good post once this little fiasco actually takes place. That is if I can suck up my defeat and actually have the strength to type! Yeah right- I can so take you! I grew up with two older brothers and all the boys used to beat up on me on the playground- you don't scare me hehe. (OK- so that is a complete lie! Well not the brothers and boys- but the scaring me part- well maybe not scare, kind of.. alright dammit- yes, scare!) I can take care of myself- you think I'm some wimpy little girl who is worried about breaking a nail? Ha- not at all! (That is soooo me!) All I have to say is watch your back R! Watch it! I'm quick and you never know when I'll pounce. (alright- I'm so not stealth.) Just you wait! It is so on!
(somebody help me! just kidding)
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Kid In A Candy Store Indeed!
Oh- SF Citadel- where do I even begin? First going into the evening I had no idea what to expect. When R said "Let's go to Citadel!" My first thought was "you have completely lost your mind." But then I figured if nothing else it would be a learning experience. I could see the dynamic of a Dom/sub, Master/slave relationship in full effect. I had no intention of playing whatsoever. But me being me with my horrible memory- of course I forgot some rules the night before and the day we went to Citadel. So my punishment this time? A public spanking- but I had a choice- I got to decide who would spank me. If we didn't find someone I was willing to have spank me then it wouldn't happen. I thought "great- what have I gotten myself into!" So needless to say R was on a mission all night to find someone to spank me. LOL
So I was very nervous going in- I'm not one who is into voyeurism so for me to stand there and just watch others made me very uncomfortable at first. But as the night went on I was surprisingly more comfortable with it. At first things were pretty tame- not much going on. Some girls were working on suspension bondage, a guy massaging/spanking a woman, some electrical play. Now I thought I was tame- but as the night went on- I have to say I was a little disappointed with how tame the Doms were. I thought I'd be seeing some major flogging, spanking- something! Needless to say I found out I'm more extreme than I thought :)
There were a few things that stood out though for different reasons. The most interesting part for me (well besides Mistress Trinity- but I'm getting ahead of myself) was to see the different dynamics with each couple- they varied so much! At the end of the night I was so comfortable with everything and so overwhelmed by the acceptance I wanted to join hands and form a ring with everyone there and sing "Joy to the world, all the boys and girls..." and give a big group hug and celebrate our sexuality! LOL I was in heaven- I was just so amazed that everyone felt so comfortable to be who they were, to have the confidence to walk around naked no matter what they looked like or who was around. I would have stripped naked myself at that point- and that's saying a lot becuase I'm not even comfortable being naked in private! I envy those who have the confidence to be so comfortable with themselves. I'm surprised R didn't have to drag me out of there kicking and screaming, saying I wanted to go back.
I'll explain a few situations that stood out to me. First there was a couple that I still cannot wrap my mind around. They came in and he was leading her on a leash- but she had no expression whatsoever! Nothing- just blank. Didn't say a word- just looked straight ahead. So once they atarted playing- just from the way the Dom presented himself(the way he was dressed, the way he treated his sub) I thought "yeah- now it's going to get crazy!" So he stripped her down to bra and underwear, garter belt and bound her to a St. Andrew's cross. He started timidly hitting her with a flogger- nothing major- just kind of in a teasing manner almost. Again- she had no emotion- no expression of pain or even enjoyment! She looked like she was listening to a boring ass lecture and about to fall asleep! She just looked like she was not metanlly there at all. They continued the whole night that way. Not once did I see any emotion on her face that night. To me it was odd. I don't know if she wasn't showing emotion because that is what her Master wanted or if it was because she didn't enjoy it at all- I still can't decide.
Next there was a Domme and her- I'll call him Bunny Boy. I have to say if I was a Domme- I would totally have the same style as this woman. The dynamic between them was hilarious. You could tell they were both having fun the whole time. She was big on verbal humiliation. She would put him down and laugh at him- I was cracking up myself! You could tell the guy was having fun as well- he was smiling the whole time. At one point she put a fluffy bunny tail on him and told him to hop like a bunny- oh hilarious! I was in hysterics. They kept up that dynamic the whole night and I have to say it was refreshing and fun to watch her get him to do all these ridicuouls things.
The next that stood out- only stood out because this woman was so annoying! She was very vocal- it didn't take much to get her screaming. Everytime I heard a yelp or a scream I expected to turn around and see some crazy ass shit going on- but everytime I turned around it was the same thing. This man was barely tapping her nipples with what looked like a wooden spoon. Either she could not handle any pain at all or she was putting on a major show for everyone.
Another was a Dom playing upstairs. He was using a whip and flogger on a woman. He was more worried about looking cool as hell swinging around the flogger than he was of pleasing his partner. Seriously it was like he was just putting on a show for everyone watching. Like- "look what I can do! I have nunchucks- no wait- they're floggers! Look I can spin them! I can do this- I can do that!" Come on dude! Get to it, let the woman have it already! While we were sitting watching Mr. Karate himself- a couple walked in- a man in leather pants and a woman in a short leather skirt and top- if you can even call it that. Badically it was three tiny strips of leather hehe- didn't cover anything, just framed it. I thought "wow, that guy sure likes to dress his slave in some hot outfits." They made their way downstairs. We sat and watched Mr. Karate for a little longer then we started hearing some crazy things going on downstaris- so we headed downstairs.
The first thing I see when we go downstairs is the couple in leather outfits- but the man was on all fours with a collar on and a leash attached to it and the woman was yelling at him and flogging the hell out of him! "Holy shit- she's a Domme! A hot Domme at that!" First let me say- I am not into women at all ok? But this chick was fine! I just assumed when we saw them that the man was the Dom- it was totally unexpected- totally! She was freakin insane! I thought- "now the night is getting interesting! Finally someone who knows what they're doing!" Their dynamic way crazy! He fought her every inch of the way. She would tell him to kiss the ground she walked on and he would not do it- he would yell stuff back at her and she would go crazy with the flogger again and yell back at him. It was great entertainment!
I think R and I had the same idea at that moment- "oh yeah, she's so going to be the one to spank me tonight!" I have to say- I never understood why you would want a woman to dominate you- but now I can see why- Domme's like Mistress Trinity! So R waited and waited and waited, hehe, for the opportunity to ask Mistress Trinity if she would be willing to punish me. First she looked at us like we were crazy- I thought "good, she's not going to want to do it! I got off easy!" But then she said "sure!" I think R has never been so excited in his life haha.In her lovely accent- not sure what it was exactly, german maybe- She asked what I needed to be punished for- I told her I had broken some rules. She asked which rules- I had forgotten to ask permission to go to bed the night before and for lunch that day. Now the whole time R and I are are talking to her she is scratching me with her sharp nails on my arm! She told me to put down my things and take my shirt off.
At this point R had told her I needed a spanking- nothing else. So the next thing I know I am bound by my wrists to a St. Andrew's cross, she tells me I need to learn to follow rules. I hear her behind me getting things ready- then out of nowhere- smack!- she hit me on my back! "Oh my god- she's using a flogger on me! Wait- you didn't say anything about a flogger! What have I gotten myself into?! Actually that is pretty awesome- hehe. Never thought I would enjoy a flogging." She continued for a bit- nothing too extreme. Then she pauses- I hear R come up to me, the look on his face was priceless- it was like a deer in headlights- all he said was "tap your hand three times if you can't handle it anymore." I think both of us were so surprised by the flogger. Then she starts to spank me with a heart shaped paddle with little studs on it. "whoa- totally gonna feel this tomorrow!" Then she stops and she starts pressing the paddle on my back so the studs are digging into my skin. Then she begins to scratch my very tender back with her nails and, oh my god I can't believe I'm going to admit I actually enjoyed this, she presses her hips against mine. Yeah- again girls do not do it for me but wow LOL.
Mistress Trinity takes a minute to ask me what I can to do please R, I tell her to follow his rules and she asks me which rules those would be. I tell her and she says "very good, now I'm going to punish you a little bit more to make sure you remember to follow his rules." So I wait- I look down at the floor and all I see is a shadow of someone swinging a flogger! Then it begins again! This flogger is a bit bigger then the last one and she is getting a little crazy! The pain starts to get a little unbearable, I can tell any minute she's just going to let loose on my ass! She starts hitting a bit harder so I decide if I want to still be able to walk out of this place- I need to stop now! So I tap my hand three times and R stops her and tells me to thank Mistress Trinity. Still in a daze and hardly able to walk because my legs are like Jell-o we leave. Talk about an experience I will never forget! But the minute we get in the car- I want more! I think- well I should have held out for more- who knows when the next time is that I'll get to do that!
So I had a great night, but it made me realize how much I want to find a Dom. I want to be able to find a dynamic that works for me and another. I want to please someone by submitting to them and want them to be pleased to have me submit to them. I want to learn and keep growing. At this point I wonder if I will ever find a Dom that is right for me.
So I was very nervous going in- I'm not one who is into voyeurism so for me to stand there and just watch others made me very uncomfortable at first. But as the night went on I was surprisingly more comfortable with it. At first things were pretty tame- not much going on. Some girls were working on suspension bondage, a guy massaging/spanking a woman, some electrical play. Now I thought I was tame- but as the night went on- I have to say I was a little disappointed with how tame the Doms were. I thought I'd be seeing some major flogging, spanking- something! Needless to say I found out I'm more extreme than I thought :)
There were a few things that stood out though for different reasons. The most interesting part for me (well besides Mistress Trinity- but I'm getting ahead of myself) was to see the different dynamics with each couple- they varied so much! At the end of the night I was so comfortable with everything and so overwhelmed by the acceptance I wanted to join hands and form a ring with everyone there and sing "Joy to the world, all the boys and girls..." and give a big group hug and celebrate our sexuality! LOL I was in heaven- I was just so amazed that everyone felt so comfortable to be who they were, to have the confidence to walk around naked no matter what they looked like or who was around. I would have stripped naked myself at that point- and that's saying a lot becuase I'm not even comfortable being naked in private! I envy those who have the confidence to be so comfortable with themselves. I'm surprised R didn't have to drag me out of there kicking and screaming, saying I wanted to go back.
I'll explain a few situations that stood out to me. First there was a couple that I still cannot wrap my mind around. They came in and he was leading her on a leash- but she had no expression whatsoever! Nothing- just blank. Didn't say a word- just looked straight ahead. So once they atarted playing- just from the way the Dom presented himself(the way he was dressed, the way he treated his sub) I thought "yeah- now it's going to get crazy!" So he stripped her down to bra and underwear, garter belt and bound her to a St. Andrew's cross. He started timidly hitting her with a flogger- nothing major- just kind of in a teasing manner almost. Again- she had no emotion- no expression of pain or even enjoyment! She looked like she was listening to a boring ass lecture and about to fall asleep! She just looked like she was not metanlly there at all. They continued the whole night that way. Not once did I see any emotion on her face that night. To me it was odd. I don't know if she wasn't showing emotion because that is what her Master wanted or if it was because she didn't enjoy it at all- I still can't decide.
Next there was a Domme and her- I'll call him Bunny Boy. I have to say if I was a Domme- I would totally have the same style as this woman. The dynamic between them was hilarious. You could tell they were both having fun the whole time. She was big on verbal humiliation. She would put him down and laugh at him- I was cracking up myself! You could tell the guy was having fun as well- he was smiling the whole time. At one point she put a fluffy bunny tail on him and told him to hop like a bunny- oh hilarious! I was in hysterics. They kept up that dynamic the whole night and I have to say it was refreshing and fun to watch her get him to do all these ridicuouls things.
The next that stood out- only stood out because this woman was so annoying! She was very vocal- it didn't take much to get her screaming. Everytime I heard a yelp or a scream I expected to turn around and see some crazy ass shit going on- but everytime I turned around it was the same thing. This man was barely tapping her nipples with what looked like a wooden spoon. Either she could not handle any pain at all or she was putting on a major show for everyone.
Another was a Dom playing upstairs. He was using a whip and flogger on a woman. He was more worried about looking cool as hell swinging around the flogger than he was of pleasing his partner. Seriously it was like he was just putting on a show for everyone watching. Like- "look what I can do! I have nunchucks- no wait- they're floggers! Look I can spin them! I can do this- I can do that!" Come on dude! Get to it, let the woman have it already! While we were sitting watching Mr. Karate himself- a couple walked in- a man in leather pants and a woman in a short leather skirt and top- if you can even call it that. Badically it was three tiny strips of leather hehe- didn't cover anything, just framed it. I thought "wow, that guy sure likes to dress his slave in some hot outfits." They made their way downstairs. We sat and watched Mr. Karate for a little longer then we started hearing some crazy things going on downstaris- so we headed downstairs.
The first thing I see when we go downstairs is the couple in leather outfits- but the man was on all fours with a collar on and a leash attached to it and the woman was yelling at him and flogging the hell out of him! "Holy shit- she's a Domme! A hot Domme at that!" First let me say- I am not into women at all ok? But this chick was fine! I just assumed when we saw them that the man was the Dom- it was totally unexpected- totally! She was freakin insane! I thought- "now the night is getting interesting! Finally someone who knows what they're doing!" Their dynamic way crazy! He fought her every inch of the way. She would tell him to kiss the ground she walked on and he would not do it- he would yell stuff back at her and she would go crazy with the flogger again and yell back at him. It was great entertainment!
I think R and I had the same idea at that moment- "oh yeah, she's so going to be the one to spank me tonight!" I have to say- I never understood why you would want a woman to dominate you- but now I can see why- Domme's like Mistress Trinity! So R waited and waited and waited, hehe, for the opportunity to ask Mistress Trinity if she would be willing to punish me. First she looked at us like we were crazy- I thought "good, she's not going to want to do it! I got off easy!" But then she said "sure!" I think R has never been so excited in his life haha.In her lovely accent- not sure what it was exactly, german maybe- She asked what I needed to be punished for- I told her I had broken some rules. She asked which rules- I had forgotten to ask permission to go to bed the night before and for lunch that day. Now the whole time R and I are are talking to her she is scratching me with her sharp nails on my arm! She told me to put down my things and take my shirt off.
At this point R had told her I needed a spanking- nothing else. So the next thing I know I am bound by my wrists to a St. Andrew's cross, she tells me I need to learn to follow rules. I hear her behind me getting things ready- then out of nowhere- smack!- she hit me on my back! "Oh my god- she's using a flogger on me! Wait- you didn't say anything about a flogger! What have I gotten myself into?! Actually that is pretty awesome- hehe. Never thought I would enjoy a flogging." She continued for a bit- nothing too extreme. Then she pauses- I hear R come up to me, the look on his face was priceless- it was like a deer in headlights- all he said was "tap your hand three times if you can't handle it anymore." I think both of us were so surprised by the flogger. Then she starts to spank me with a heart shaped paddle with little studs on it. "whoa- totally gonna feel this tomorrow!" Then she stops and she starts pressing the paddle on my back so the studs are digging into my skin. Then she begins to scratch my very tender back with her nails and, oh my god I can't believe I'm going to admit I actually enjoyed this, she presses her hips against mine. Yeah- again girls do not do it for me but wow LOL.
Mistress Trinity takes a minute to ask me what I can to do please R, I tell her to follow his rules and she asks me which rules those would be. I tell her and she says "very good, now I'm going to punish you a little bit more to make sure you remember to follow his rules." So I wait- I look down at the floor and all I see is a shadow of someone swinging a flogger! Then it begins again! This flogger is a bit bigger then the last one and she is getting a little crazy! The pain starts to get a little unbearable, I can tell any minute she's just going to let loose on my ass! She starts hitting a bit harder so I decide if I want to still be able to walk out of this place- I need to stop now! So I tap my hand three times and R stops her and tells me to thank Mistress Trinity. Still in a daze and hardly able to walk because my legs are like Jell-o we leave. Talk about an experience I will never forget! But the minute we get in the car- I want more! I think- well I should have held out for more- who knows when the next time is that I'll get to do that!
So I had a great night, but it made me realize how much I want to find a Dom. I want to be able to find a dynamic that works for me and another. I want to please someone by submitting to them and want them to be pleased to have me submit to them. I want to learn and keep growing. At this point I wonder if I will ever find a Dom that is right for me.
WOW!
Whoa- what just happened tonight?! Craziness- that's what! SF Citadel- Oh...My...God! All I'm going to say right now is I had to deal with another punishment tonight. But R was not the one to handle it- no he had Mistress Trinity do it for him! Wow- all I can say is WOW! I admit- women don't do it for me at all but Mistress Trinity- I would submit to you anyday! That's how freakin good she is- and hot! I'm definately feeling my punishment and have the marks to prove it- yum! Yeah- it's still sinking in. More to come later.
Friday, July 30, 2010
On My Soap Box
Yes, yes I know my blog has been a bit on the serious side lately. I admit I've been taking life a little too serious lately. So thank you all for pointing it out to me- I forget sometimes and I retreat. I needed a little time to regroup- after all the name of my blog is my "journey" as a submissive woman. What- a girl isn't allowed to have a bad day? (totally being sarcastic) But thank you for reminding me to not take things so personally. Also- I know a lot look forward to reading new posts everyday- but honestly if I post everyday it will seem like a diary entry some days. My writing is effected by my mood and daily life. That's just the way it is. Honestly I have been a little under the weather this past week and it most definately has effected my mood which in turn effects my writing perspective. I'm still not feeling 100% I'm sitting here with a massive migraine I've had for a week now- but since you all seem to enjoy my blog so much- I write and suffer through the pain for you! :) So- you're very welcome!
Hey R, FYI- you may not like this post so much LOL. I'm just speaking my mind though- so here goes nothing. Lately I have been so wishy washy about where I stand. One day it's only looking for play partners; next day- no definately a relationship. Or one day I decide I'm completely done with everything and I can't handle BDSM. I admit I am getting a little tired of changing my mind and R I'm sure you are as well. But after all I am a woman- aren't we known for changing our mind all the time? I know, I know- excuses. Honestly I think it comes down to the fact that since I'm so new to this- of course I'm going to be confused on what I want. I'm still exploring and becoming familiar with all this. Plus- I'm slowly trying to come to terms with the fact that it is ok if I want to just have a play partner and nothing else. Why do I have a problem with that? Well one- the way I was raised and two: society has made it so people look down on women that don't want a committed relationship- yet men are praised for it. I feel as long as I am safe and sane in my decision making- why should it matter if I want to peruse the many men that God has put on this lovely planet we call home?
I grew up being told- women get married and have babies and live happily ever after. They always watch what they say and present themselves in a ladylike manner. What do I say to that? Fuck off! I'm done being a "lady"- that's not me! Never has been but I've tried to be just that for so many years because it was ingrained in me that women should not be sexual beings at all. That we should be seen and not heard and proper- blah, blah, blah! Not to say I don't act like a proper woman out in public- but I can be a dirty girl in private hehe. So screw you society for making me feel like a huge disappointment because I enjoy sex and love men! This is me and I'm embracing it. I want to see what there is out there to be discovered in this new found life of BDSM. I don't want to be tied down to a "relationship"- if something develops from a connection then great! Not saying I'm never going to be in any type of relationship ever again. Just at this point- I want to have fun! You only live once right?
So this inner struggle I've been going through for the past few weeks comes from me trying to "feel" something for someone I play with. Again- I had this belief that if someone sees me naked- plus are doing cray dirty things to me- there should be "feelings" there! I thought I can't just have fun with someone because they do it for me. I may have the same kinks and think they are hot as hell- but I should feel something for them if they are spanking my ass and pulling my hair, fucking me- shouldn't I? I admit it- I don't care anymore! If someone does it for me- they do it for me. Why should I feel guilty about that? I have a crazy out of control sex drive- someone/something made me this way! Should I have to sit and suffer and feel guilty about wanting what I want? I don't think so- not anymore anyways. No don't worry R- it doesn't mean I'm just going to go around sleeping with everyone I come across! It just means I'm more comfortable in my own skin. Hey- don't even preach to me about meeting up with someone just for sex alright? LOL You know what I'm talking about. We are all pervs here- don't try to hide it. (I'm happy to say I have been named chief perv by someone- before I would have taken that as a total put down- but now I'm embracing it)
So- who knows I may come back next week with "I need a relationship." But the point is- I'm on a journey- I'm still exploring, finding out what I am looking for. So don't rain on my parade. We all go through times of self exploration- all of us! Mine just happens to be written down for all to read now hehe. But I do admit I enjoy it or else I wouldn't put it out there. I'm an open person- I'm not one that hides things from people. You either like me or you don't. This is me and I'm not changing.
Hey R, FYI- you may not like this post so much LOL. I'm just speaking my mind though- so here goes nothing. Lately I have been so wishy washy about where I stand. One day it's only looking for play partners; next day- no definately a relationship. Or one day I decide I'm completely done with everything and I can't handle BDSM. I admit I am getting a little tired of changing my mind and R I'm sure you are as well. But after all I am a woman- aren't we known for changing our mind all the time? I know, I know- excuses. Honestly I think it comes down to the fact that since I'm so new to this- of course I'm going to be confused on what I want. I'm still exploring and becoming familiar with all this. Plus- I'm slowly trying to come to terms with the fact that it is ok if I want to just have a play partner and nothing else. Why do I have a problem with that? Well one- the way I was raised and two: society has made it so people look down on women that don't want a committed relationship- yet men are praised for it. I feel as long as I am safe and sane in my decision making- why should it matter if I want to peruse the many men that God has put on this lovely planet we call home?
I grew up being told- women get married and have babies and live happily ever after. They always watch what they say and present themselves in a ladylike manner. What do I say to that? Fuck off! I'm done being a "lady"- that's not me! Never has been but I've tried to be just that for so many years because it was ingrained in me that women should not be sexual beings at all. That we should be seen and not heard and proper- blah, blah, blah! Not to say I don't act like a proper woman out in public- but I can be a dirty girl in private hehe. So screw you society for making me feel like a huge disappointment because I enjoy sex and love men! This is me and I'm embracing it. I want to see what there is out there to be discovered in this new found life of BDSM. I don't want to be tied down to a "relationship"- if something develops from a connection then great! Not saying I'm never going to be in any type of relationship ever again. Just at this point- I want to have fun! You only live once right?
So this inner struggle I've been going through for the past few weeks comes from me trying to "feel" something for someone I play with. Again- I had this belief that if someone sees me naked- plus are doing cray dirty things to me- there should be "feelings" there! I thought I can't just have fun with someone because they do it for me. I may have the same kinks and think they are hot as hell- but I should feel something for them if they are spanking my ass and pulling my hair, fucking me- shouldn't I? I admit it- I don't care anymore! If someone does it for me- they do it for me. Why should I feel guilty about that? I have a crazy out of control sex drive- someone/something made me this way! Should I have to sit and suffer and feel guilty about wanting what I want? I don't think so- not anymore anyways. No don't worry R- it doesn't mean I'm just going to go around sleeping with everyone I come across! It just means I'm more comfortable in my own skin. Hey- don't even preach to me about meeting up with someone just for sex alright? LOL You know what I'm talking about. We are all pervs here- don't try to hide it. (I'm happy to say I have been named chief perv by someone- before I would have taken that as a total put down- but now I'm embracing it)
So- who knows I may come back next week with "I need a relationship." But the point is- I'm on a journey- I'm still exploring, finding out what I am looking for. So don't rain on my parade. We all go through times of self exploration- all of us! Mine just happens to be written down for all to read now hehe. But I do admit I enjoy it or else I wouldn't put it out there. I'm an open person- I'm not one that hides things from people. You either like me or you don't. This is me and I'm not changing.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
"You're Thinking Again!"
Oh boy! Where to start? I've had a lot on my mind lately- so I'll try to keep it toegther as possible. But fair warning-this post may just be filled with random thoughts that come out of nowhere and don't connect, and probably leave you wondering "how did she get from here to there?". So I apologize in advance- that's just the way my mind works.
One thing I forgot to mention before was something that Blow Pop would tell me during our conversations. He always wanted me to be open with him and let him know what was on my mind. Yet when I told him, he would always say "You're overthinking. That's not good when it comes to BDSM. You shouldn't think so much." What? You just asked me what was on my mind! I tell you then you basically say to me- don't think. Is it I just don't have the "correct" thoughts in my head for you? BDSM not about thinking? Um- am I crazy in thinking this goes against everything? At least for me- the mental aspect is the draw, the backbone for everything! Am I just odd?
Anyways- this leads into the true reason for my post. To explain the craziness of how my brain operates. Well- I do overthink. I overthink EVERYTHING! I always have and always will. So the issue becomes- can my partner learn to deal with that and understand it? The question I dread most is one that is aksed of me all the time. What's on your mind or what are you thinking? I think "oh god, if you only knew! But there is no way in hell I'm going to tell you 75% of what is going through my head right now!" So I sit and think "well what one thought out of the hundred going through my head is safe to mention?" So to buy myself time I ask "what?" like I didn't hear the question. They repeat the question- "well crap that wasn't enough time". So I repeat the question to them like I'm making sure I understood it. Response "yes!". I think "oh great now they are getting irritated and probably think I'm completely idiotic. Well better go through the rolodex of thoughts in my head and decide what to say. No, no, no, no, definately not that, no, no, never EVER going to say that, no, no, no. Hmm, well I'll just keep quiet then." So I respond with "I don't know." They say "you don't know what your thinking right now?!" I respond "no". "Oh great, now they think I'm a total idiot!" So then more irrational fears creep in- I think they are judging me so I just freeze and keep quiet. It is a vicious cycle.
So how does this tie into D/s? Well at the moment I am talking with someone and I mean serious talk! Not like the little instances with the other two people that consider themselves Dom's. I don't think I would even consider what we did D/s- they were just two kinky guys that liked to boss women around a little. So while talking to this individual I'm slowly realizing- whoa- this is the real thing! OMG! So I've been psyching myself out. I know I enjoy it but my irrational fears get in the way and I start to freak out. The reason I'm freaking out is because due to how I think- I hesitate constantly. So when I'm told to do something- I'm expected to do it the first time no questions asked. Yet I freeze and start thinking. I know there will be consequences if I hesitate too much so I fear the whole time will just be spent on "punishments" due to my overactive brain! Plus the fact- I'm new to this- of course I'm going to hesitate until I completely understand what is expected of me and I become comfortable with it. Not to say my hesitation would always be there- but in the beginning one needs to take in consideration how my brain functions and rememeber I'm new to this and nervous.
At this point I know this is a lot to handle. I know a lot of Dom's don't want to put in that much effort to get results. They want someone who follows their orders- no questions asked. I want that as well but it takes time for me to get there. So at this point- is this too much to handle? Do you really want to put up with my overactive brain? :)
One thing I forgot to mention before was something that Blow Pop would tell me during our conversations. He always wanted me to be open with him and let him know what was on my mind. Yet when I told him, he would always say "You're overthinking. That's not good when it comes to BDSM. You shouldn't think so much." What? You just asked me what was on my mind! I tell you then you basically say to me- don't think. Is it I just don't have the "correct" thoughts in my head for you? BDSM not about thinking? Um- am I crazy in thinking this goes against everything? At least for me- the mental aspect is the draw, the backbone for everything! Am I just odd?
Anyways- this leads into the true reason for my post. To explain the craziness of how my brain operates. Well- I do overthink. I overthink EVERYTHING! I always have and always will. So the issue becomes- can my partner learn to deal with that and understand it? The question I dread most is one that is aksed of me all the time. What's on your mind or what are you thinking? I think "oh god, if you only knew! But there is no way in hell I'm going to tell you 75% of what is going through my head right now!" So I sit and think "well what one thought out of the hundred going through my head is safe to mention?" So to buy myself time I ask "what?" like I didn't hear the question. They repeat the question- "well crap that wasn't enough time". So I repeat the question to them like I'm making sure I understood it. Response "yes!". I think "oh great now they are getting irritated and probably think I'm completely idiotic. Well better go through the rolodex of thoughts in my head and decide what to say. No, no, no, no, definately not that, no, no, never EVER going to say that, no, no, no. Hmm, well I'll just keep quiet then." So I respond with "I don't know." They say "you don't know what your thinking right now?!" I respond "no". "Oh great, now they think I'm a total idiot!" So then more irrational fears creep in- I think they are judging me so I just freeze and keep quiet. It is a vicious cycle.
So how does this tie into D/s? Well at the moment I am talking with someone and I mean serious talk! Not like the little instances with the other two people that consider themselves Dom's. I don't think I would even consider what we did D/s- they were just two kinky guys that liked to boss women around a little. So while talking to this individual I'm slowly realizing- whoa- this is the real thing! OMG! So I've been psyching myself out. I know I enjoy it but my irrational fears get in the way and I start to freak out. The reason I'm freaking out is because due to how I think- I hesitate constantly. So when I'm told to do something- I'm expected to do it the first time no questions asked. Yet I freeze and start thinking. I know there will be consequences if I hesitate too much so I fear the whole time will just be spent on "punishments" due to my overactive brain! Plus the fact- I'm new to this- of course I'm going to hesitate until I completely understand what is expected of me and I become comfortable with it. Not to say my hesitation would always be there- but in the beginning one needs to take in consideration how my brain functions and rememeber I'm new to this and nervous.
At this point I know this is a lot to handle. I know a lot of Dom's don't want to put in that much effort to get results. They want someone who follows their orders- no questions asked. I want that as well but it takes time for me to get there. So at this point- is this too much to handle? Do you really want to put up with my overactive brain? :)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
My Kinky Side
Boys boys boys. You guys crack me up. First off I want to say thank you to all that take the time to read my blog. I'm glad you actaully find my story interesting enough to take the time out of your day to read it. Also- I love the feedback I'm getting- thank you for your e-mails. I enjoy hearing your comments and love hearing others stories. Speaking of comments- I've received numerous stating they like the images I create with words when it comes to BDSM. I don't think I'm all that great at writing kinky stuff- but hey- I try.
So I know recently my posts have been somewhat depressing and pretty much a downer. I know some of you login thinking "oh boy! Hmm, what's going on in that kinky girls mind today?" Then you log in and your reaction turns to "WTF! What is this- a damn diary?! What the hell happened to kinky Mariposa?" Well- she's back! hehe Yes I think we've established I'm "one horny woman". Oh- you have no idea! Oh- the things that go through my head during the day. But the odd thing- or maybe even kinkier thing- is that everyone that sees me on a day to day basis thinks I am this prim and proper, innocent girl. But they don't know I'm sitting there wondering how it would feel to be bent over the chair I'm sitting in and be spanked until my ass burns- while they sit there and discuss politics with me. Or that under my clothes I may be covered with bruises from rough touches and bites from the night before. That my knees are aching from being on them most of the night. Oh- they have no idea!
I figured I'd just write about the random thoughts that enter my head during a normal day- should be fun. In the morning while taking a shower I think the bench in my shower would come in handy for more than holding my own personal beauty supply store. (I have a bit of an issue with buying beauty products- ok so a major issue- I'm obsessed!) At least once a day at work I think of someone coming in and shoving everything off my desk and throwing me down on the desk and having their way with me. At the grocery store I may find the bagger cute as hell and look at his hands and wonder what they would feel like running all over my body and through my hair and pulling it- or spanking my ass. At dinner I may think about it being interrupted by a man bending me over the table and fucking me hard. At night as I try to fall asleep usually I can't because all I can think of is being bound and blindfolded while I'm slowly tortured with pleasurable touches and grasps and smacks. Yes- that's an average day for me :)
I hate to break it to all of you- I'm not going out with different dudes each night just to write kinky stories for everyone to read. Although that might be fun- that's not my life. Also- I don't know about it being different men all the time LOL. I want to find one that can deliver what they promised. I've been quite disappointed lately with all the big talk and when the time comes- they don't live up to what they said they were. Let's just say it has been a long time since I came from a man's touch! So I'm a little frustrated to say the least. Bad for me- but good for everyone else because that means kinky posts. hehe
So I know recently my posts have been somewhat depressing and pretty much a downer. I know some of you login thinking "oh boy! Hmm, what's going on in that kinky girls mind today?" Then you log in and your reaction turns to "WTF! What is this- a damn diary?! What the hell happened to kinky Mariposa?" Well- she's back! hehe Yes I think we've established I'm "one horny woman". Oh- you have no idea! Oh- the things that go through my head during the day. But the odd thing- or maybe even kinkier thing- is that everyone that sees me on a day to day basis thinks I am this prim and proper, innocent girl. But they don't know I'm sitting there wondering how it would feel to be bent over the chair I'm sitting in and be spanked until my ass burns- while they sit there and discuss politics with me. Or that under my clothes I may be covered with bruises from rough touches and bites from the night before. That my knees are aching from being on them most of the night. Oh- they have no idea!
I figured I'd just write about the random thoughts that enter my head during a normal day- should be fun. In the morning while taking a shower I think the bench in my shower would come in handy for more than holding my own personal beauty supply store. (I have a bit of an issue with buying beauty products- ok so a major issue- I'm obsessed!) At least once a day at work I think of someone coming in and shoving everything off my desk and throwing me down on the desk and having their way with me. At the grocery store I may find the bagger cute as hell and look at his hands and wonder what they would feel like running all over my body and through my hair and pulling it- or spanking my ass. At dinner I may think about it being interrupted by a man bending me over the table and fucking me hard. At night as I try to fall asleep usually I can't because all I can think of is being bound and blindfolded while I'm slowly tortured with pleasurable touches and grasps and smacks. Yes- that's an average day for me :)
I hate to break it to all of you- I'm not going out with different dudes each night just to write kinky stories for everyone to read. Although that might be fun- that's not my life. Also- I don't know about it being different men all the time LOL. I want to find one that can deliver what they promised. I've been quite disappointed lately with all the big talk and when the time comes- they don't live up to what they said they were. Let's just say it has been a long time since I came from a man's touch! So I'm a little frustrated to say the least. Bad for me- but good for everyone else because that means kinky posts. hehe
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Manipulation? (Jawbreaker)
I mentioned before that I would not be discussing the first Dom I met in person. But I think it is time I did. The only reason I bring him up is because he made a comment once that we totally disagreed on and it still pops in my head all the time. Of course he gets a nickname- now this one took a lot of thought because his personality was so multilayered and intriguing. Finally I came up with Jawbreaker. As you know jawbreakers are hard as hell- there is no way you can bite into them due to layer upon layer of sugar- it makes for an indestructible candy.
Now Jawbreaker's personality- he is by far the strictest Dom I have met yet. He made it known from the very beginning he was in total control of everything- and I mean everything! He made it clear his sub was only there for his pleasure- he did not think a sub should derive any pleasure from the experience. He said pleasing him and him alone should be enough to please his sub. He also said he did not want his sub to worry about when she could orgasm- ever- because that would mean her mind was preoccupied and she should only worry about his pleasure. His thoughts on pleasing his sub- maybe on birthdays and holidays! That's all- had no intention of ever worrying about his sub's pleasure. He even wanted to put his sub on a strict diet and she could only eat what he said. She would only be allowed to eat her favorite things on rare occasions. When we met for dinner he even ordered for me- when I corrected him on my order he looked at me like "how dare you speak!", he ordered dessert- oh excuse me- he gave me three choices to choose from after he asked me what my favorite type of dessert was. I told him I love chocolate- he said "well you have to choose from..." then he gave me three choices- none of which were chocolate! I think he was just being cruel hehe. You get the point- he was strict!
So the dilemma we discussed numerous times was this: I can be fiesty and misbehave on purpose to get a punishment or be put back in my place. Why? I like the rush I get from it. The anticipation, the build up before the actual punishment- it's like a mini adrenaline rush for me. It's not the punishment itself that I enjoy as much as the thrill I get from wondering what it is that is going to happen- how far will they take it? How big of a punishment will it be?
His view on misbehaving on purpose was that it was manipulating the situation to get what you want. He said he didn't want to give into the "demands" of his sub because then that would make the sub in control of the situation and not the Dom. He said he would rather his sub just ask for a punishment out right and then he would make the decision whether he wanted to or not. Now am I just strange in thinking this? I don't view it as manipulation at all. Also- I don't want control of any situation- that's why I'm a sub! If I wanted control I definately would not put myself in a situation for a man to punish me in whatever way he saw fit. Also- I understand it is the sub's job to please her Dom but come on! No pleasure at all- ever?! I don't think so. If I'm putting myself out there, trusting you completely with my physical and mental well being- you don't think I deserve any pleasure at all? Sorry- for me it doesn't work that way.
If I just came out and aksed to be punished that would totally go against why I'm doing it in the first place. If I were just looking for punishment- then fine I'd ask for it outright. But the reason for the misbehaving is not to manipulate the situation or to displease- no! Also- it's not something I would do all the time- just every once in a while. 95% of the time I am totally on my best behavior- sometimes I just happen to get fiesty.Plus- what's more fun- punishing me because I ask, or punishing me because I was a bad, bad girl? hehe I am a bit of a thrill seeker-I live for that feeling of anticipation. Just like I enjoy orgasm denial. I love that feeling of being on edge for hours, days- being teased nonstop with no release. Why? The end result is so much more enjoyable.
So I put this question out there to all the Dom's. Do you view misbehaving on purpose a way of manipulation- or do you find it fun like I do?
Now Jawbreaker's personality- he is by far the strictest Dom I have met yet. He made it known from the very beginning he was in total control of everything- and I mean everything! He made it clear his sub was only there for his pleasure- he did not think a sub should derive any pleasure from the experience. He said pleasing him and him alone should be enough to please his sub. He also said he did not want his sub to worry about when she could orgasm- ever- because that would mean her mind was preoccupied and she should only worry about his pleasure. His thoughts on pleasing his sub- maybe on birthdays and holidays! That's all- had no intention of ever worrying about his sub's pleasure. He even wanted to put his sub on a strict diet and she could only eat what he said. She would only be allowed to eat her favorite things on rare occasions. When we met for dinner he even ordered for me- when I corrected him on my order he looked at me like "how dare you speak!", he ordered dessert- oh excuse me- he gave me three choices to choose from after he asked me what my favorite type of dessert was. I told him I love chocolate- he said "well you have to choose from..." then he gave me three choices- none of which were chocolate! I think he was just being cruel hehe. You get the point- he was strict!
So the dilemma we discussed numerous times was this: I can be fiesty and misbehave on purpose to get a punishment or be put back in my place. Why? I like the rush I get from it. The anticipation, the build up before the actual punishment- it's like a mini adrenaline rush for me. It's not the punishment itself that I enjoy as much as the thrill I get from wondering what it is that is going to happen- how far will they take it? How big of a punishment will it be?
His view on misbehaving on purpose was that it was manipulating the situation to get what you want. He said he didn't want to give into the "demands" of his sub because then that would make the sub in control of the situation and not the Dom. He said he would rather his sub just ask for a punishment out right and then he would make the decision whether he wanted to or not. Now am I just strange in thinking this? I don't view it as manipulation at all. Also- I don't want control of any situation- that's why I'm a sub! If I wanted control I definately would not put myself in a situation for a man to punish me in whatever way he saw fit. Also- I understand it is the sub's job to please her Dom but come on! No pleasure at all- ever?! I don't think so. If I'm putting myself out there, trusting you completely with my physical and mental well being- you don't think I deserve any pleasure at all? Sorry- for me it doesn't work that way.
If I just came out and aksed to be punished that would totally go against why I'm doing it in the first place. If I were just looking for punishment- then fine I'd ask for it outright. But the reason for the misbehaving is not to manipulate the situation or to displease- no! Also- it's not something I would do all the time- just every once in a while. 95% of the time I am totally on my best behavior- sometimes I just happen to get fiesty.Plus- what's more fun- punishing me because I ask, or punishing me because I was a bad, bad girl? hehe I am a bit of a thrill seeker-I live for that feeling of anticipation. Just like I enjoy orgasm denial. I love that feeling of being on edge for hours, days- being teased nonstop with no release. Why? The end result is so much more enjoyable.
So I put this question out there to all the Dom's. Do you view misbehaving on purpose a way of manipulation- or do you find it fun like I do?
Dom Or Pervy Jackass?
Alright- I admit it! I have been in a terrible mood lately due to a certain event. I'm trying to stay positive and not let it get to me, but it's not working. So I figure I rant a little- ok a lot probably- and that'll be that. Again- like therapy- get it out. So excuse me while I rant! FYI- I am not speaking of Dom's in general in this post, it is aimed at one individual who thinks himself a Dom. I was going to post about the experience I had but I decided not to- because even though he said he wont read my blog, I know he's going to because the curiosity will kill him! So I'm not giving him the satisfaction of reading what I have to say of the experience- that's mine to keep :) Instead I will address the issues I have with him and a few others I've come across that think sub's are stupid and can't think for themselves.
I know there are a lot of submissive women that have no self confidence and are doormats- so I can see why in general some would think subs would just sit and put up with men's crap. Well I'm here to tell you- sorry we are not all like that. I've been around the block a few times. Even though I'm only 27- you being in your 30s does not mean you know more when it comes to the opposite sex. I've been with players quite a few times unfortunately and I know their tactics. So don't think you fooled me- I know exactly what you are!
Now- I'm not upset with the peson for being a player- because honestly I knew it going in. But again me being me- I tried to see the good in him- what can I say? Always looking for the positive in people- always. No- I'm not upset with him- he's the one who is going to have to deal with his own issues someday. Unfortunately his head is so far up his ass at this point to see the light. So again, no I'm not upset with him- I'm upset with myself for thinking there is good in everyone and actually putting myself out there and hoping to be treated with respect. I forget- not everyone follows the same rules as me- I believe you respect others no matter what- because I want respect in return. As the old saying goes- treat others as you wish to be treated. Call me old fashioned but I live by that rule. Call it karma, fate- whatever, I truly believe it comes back to you.
So- I don't appreciate being taken for a fool- I may be naive in some aspects of life but I know enough that I don't have to put up with your degradation. Your the one that was an ass yet when confronted- what is your tactic? Instead of denying the issue I brought up- or even acknowledging the issue- you try to undermine me, make me feel weak, call me names, try to make me feel stupid. If what I said was incorrect- isn't the first response usually to deny the claim? In my experience it is- yet you never even addressed it! Which in my experience- confirms I was right. Which means you've been found out and you were pissed I was smart enough to figure it out- so your tactic was to put me down. Nope- didn't work. Why didn't it work? Two reasons; One: I've dealt with too many of your kind- I know the drill. Two: I have a brain! I use it! I can put two and two together- I'm not going to state how I figured it out- but I have my reasons. I'm not just being a bitch to be a bitch.
You supposedly like submissive women with a dominant personality yet you can't take it when one calls your bluff? Hmm, interesting. Very interesting. I may be submissive, but that in no way shape or form means I can be taken advantage of. So I've come up with three scenarios that could be true- none of which are good. One: your just a cheater, maybe your sub really doesn't know of your other "flings". Two: You just weren't that into me and instead of manning up and saying- not that into you- you came up with this extravagant lie. Which makes you a pathetic liar. Or three: you really do have major issues you need to work through- but you definately should not be with anyone while you deal with them. Plus- someone who needs 3+ girls in their life at once- there is really something wrong with you. The way I see it- your fucked whatever the scenario is!
Now my rant is over and I can move on with my life. But you- you are either trying to deal with your issues which is never fun or you are jumping for joy for "fooling" another chick with your routine. Good luck with that! Ok- now I can move on to happier posts. hehe
I know there are a lot of submissive women that have no self confidence and are doormats- so I can see why in general some would think subs would just sit and put up with men's crap. Well I'm here to tell you- sorry we are not all like that. I've been around the block a few times. Even though I'm only 27- you being in your 30s does not mean you know more when it comes to the opposite sex. I've been with players quite a few times unfortunately and I know their tactics. So don't think you fooled me- I know exactly what you are!
Now- I'm not upset with the peson for being a player- because honestly I knew it going in. But again me being me- I tried to see the good in him- what can I say? Always looking for the positive in people- always. No- I'm not upset with him- he's the one who is going to have to deal with his own issues someday. Unfortunately his head is so far up his ass at this point to see the light. So again, no I'm not upset with him- I'm upset with myself for thinking there is good in everyone and actually putting myself out there and hoping to be treated with respect. I forget- not everyone follows the same rules as me- I believe you respect others no matter what- because I want respect in return. As the old saying goes- treat others as you wish to be treated. Call me old fashioned but I live by that rule. Call it karma, fate- whatever, I truly believe it comes back to you.
So- I don't appreciate being taken for a fool- I may be naive in some aspects of life but I know enough that I don't have to put up with your degradation. Your the one that was an ass yet when confronted- what is your tactic? Instead of denying the issue I brought up- or even acknowledging the issue- you try to undermine me, make me feel weak, call me names, try to make me feel stupid. If what I said was incorrect- isn't the first response usually to deny the claim? In my experience it is- yet you never even addressed it! Which in my experience- confirms I was right. Which means you've been found out and you were pissed I was smart enough to figure it out- so your tactic was to put me down. Nope- didn't work. Why didn't it work? Two reasons; One: I've dealt with too many of your kind- I know the drill. Two: I have a brain! I use it! I can put two and two together- I'm not going to state how I figured it out- but I have my reasons. I'm not just being a bitch to be a bitch.
You supposedly like submissive women with a dominant personality yet you can't take it when one calls your bluff? Hmm, interesting. Very interesting. I may be submissive, but that in no way shape or form means I can be taken advantage of. So I've come up with three scenarios that could be true- none of which are good. One: your just a cheater, maybe your sub really doesn't know of your other "flings". Two: You just weren't that into me and instead of manning up and saying- not that into you- you came up with this extravagant lie. Which makes you a pathetic liar. Or three: you really do have major issues you need to work through- but you definately should not be with anyone while you deal with them. Plus- someone who needs 3+ girls in their life at once- there is really something wrong with you. The way I see it- your fucked whatever the scenario is!
Now my rant is over and I can move on with my life. But you- you are either trying to deal with your issues which is never fun or you are jumping for joy for "fooling" another chick with your routine. Good luck with that! Ok- now I can move on to happier posts. hehe
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