Personality

I think I need to take the time to explain my personality a bit. I have had a few comments brought to my attention lately about my blog and how their opinions differ. I have no problem with differing opinions, that is not the issue. I think the issue is I forget you are only seeing text and don't hear my tone of voice or facial expressions. So you can only take my words for what they are- literal, in black and white. So I need to explain myself a little. If you don't know me reading my blog you would think I am a total bitch at times and my life is a circus everyday due to the subject of my postings. Actaully I am the total opposite! I am one of the nicest most caring people you will ever meet. I may speak my mind but it is always in a way that will not hurt people's feelings and I never judge! I'm not saying this because I'm full of myself- hardly! I'm saying this because I know it's true- I'm too nice actually! I let people get away with murder! Also- it may seem like all I ever do is get myself in crazy predicaments. Well I may more than your average person- but when it comes down to it- I live a very boring life. hehe


OK- the two most important things to remember when reading my blog. I am THE most sarcastic person you will ever meet! Also- I can be a bit dramatic. What can I say- it's in my blood. I was born to be on the stage but have not been since I was a teen. I miss it like mad- so I am dramatic in my day to day life. Ok- so there might have been a little sarcasm in there. Yes I love to perform but I'm no diva- I'm not really that dramatic in person. But I'm being a scatterbrain- where the hell was I going with this?! Oh yes I remember! Anyways- I received a lot of comments about my dorkiness post. I got a lot of "well- dorkiness is definately not sexy! It's endearing, intriguing, charming--" blah, blah, blah. I know it's not sexy- I was totally being sarcastic! I'm the biggest dork that ever lived and I am the farthest thing from sexy! It was not meant to be taken literally. Like one person said "dorkiness is not considered sexy. That's why strippers don't strip down naked and tell knock knock jokes." Love it! I was just trying to make the post more interesting- just like I may go over the top with some of my descriptions of my experiences. It makes things more interesting to read. Not to say what I post is not true- I just try to make it funny and more interesting to read. So- now you know- I am goofy, sarcastic, ditzy, forgetful, dramatic, dorky as so many love to remind me, maybe a little OCD- just a little- ok A LOT. I could go on and on- but you get the gist.

Can Dorkiness = Sexy?

Recently- on numerous occasions I have had quite a few people call me a dork! First I thought- I haven't been called a dork since elementary school! No wait- I've never been called a dork! So what gives? I admit at first I was offended! Then I started thinking about it and realized- why yes I am a huge dork! Then I thought- is that really such a bad quality? So I've embraced my inner dork- yes I state with pride I am a dork!That's just me!


I've never been one that I think people consider sexy- maybe due to the dorkiness factor. But I can't change who I am and I don't want to change who I am. I am comfortable in my own skin. That lead me to think- well that is a quality I find very sexy in a man! Confident, comfortable in their own skin, loves humor and able to laugh at themselves. So if I find those qualities sexy in a man- who's to say men wouldn't find those qualities sexy in a woman? Which leads me to the question- can dorkiness be sexy?


So- my dorky qualities. I love to laugh and make others laugh. Not to say I can't be serious when the situation calls for it- but whenever possible- I like to crack jokes and amuse others. Hell- I think I crack myself up more than I do others! Now- I'm neither confirming nor denying this- but part of my morning routine may consist of private lip syncing concerts, with a hairbrush as a mic and a bed as a stage. It may include songs such as: Bohemian Rhapsody, Margaritaville, numerous horrible 80s songs and lots of showtunes. Also- I may salsa dance down the hall in the morning to get my coffee to the ongoing soundtrack in my head. What can I say? I have a LOT of energy and crack myself up.


I can quote every line from Monty Python and the Holy Grail and find it more hilarious each time I watch it. I still love to watch Sesame Street and know all the songs and know all the character's names. I still enjoy coloring in color books! I giggle like a little girl when I'm nervous. I blush at the drop of a hat. When I get flustered or nervous I talk really fast and stutter and you can't understand a word that comes out of my mouth. I know I'm no bombshell so to break the ice sometimes I completely overact the sexiness just to get a laugh. I write lists nonstop. I can't stand my food to touch- I literally have a panic attack!


I'm still very naive when it comes to a lot of things. I am bubbly and happy and see the positive in everything. I have the worst memory in the world and am forever having ditzy blonde moments even though I'm not blonde! My memory is so bad I don't even remember where the hell I was going with this point! So I'll just end with this- can dorkiness be sexy?

Sexual Frustration

Have you even been so sexually frustrated you can't think straight? Yes folks- it is about to get very kinky. My writer's block has to do with my sexual frustration lately. I sit down to write and all I can see in my mind is images of spanking and hair pulling and wild crazy sex! Yes you know who you are- you mean, mean individual you! I will get you back don't worry- I know how to tease. I'm fiesty and I don't back down easily- two can play at that game sir. You just wait.


I am so frustrated at this point I am seriously shaking and can't see straight. I know you are thinking- why don't you just go do something about it? Well if I try it just makes it ten times worse. I orgasm now and no relief! So not fair- there is only one thing that will get rid of this tension! Yes- I don't think I have to spell it out for everyone.


I sit at work and all I can think of is someone coming in and bending me over my desk, pulling up my skirt and fucking me senseless. I go to cook dinner and all I picture is being lifted onto the counter, legs spread and pounded. I lay down to go to bed and all I see is images floating through my head of being tied up, taken advantage of. I walk through my front door and all I can think of is being slammed against the wall and taken right there, hard. I sit down to watch TV and all I picture is being bent over the couch and being spanked until my ass burns. I could go on and on but I can't take it anymore hehe. It seems like the only thing that fills my head now are dirty kinky thoughts 24/7.


I'm telling you boy- you better watch it. :) You are going to have a crazy woman to deal with. Hope you can handle it.

Hello Everyone!

I just wanted to put it out there that comments are encouraged. Since this blog is new I have no idea how many people are actually viewing it and if they are even enjoying it! I would love some feedback. Anything- questions, thoughts, ideas. At this point I'm trying to figure out which way to go with my blog and would like to know what people want to hear about.

My Firsts

I thought I'd write a little about my past today. I may not have been in the "lifestyle" very long but that does not mean I haven't done my share of kinky things. I've always been more on the adveturous side when it comes to sex. But I held back a lot because I didn't want men to think I was too kinky! So if I was "holding back"- well a good Dom could really push my limits! I guess I'd never thought of it till now. I'm realizing everyday I am more open to things than I originally thought. Yes with the right Dom I would love for my limits to be pushed- not ignore but push me a little out of my comfort zone. Again- it would definately have to be with someone I trust completely- I have to know my limits will be respected and that they know how far they can actually push me.


I figured I'd share a few of my firsts. Why not start with how I lost my virginity? I was 16 and it was with my first serious boyfriend. We met at the church our families went to. We played in the worship band and had a key to the church sanctuary so we could us it to practice when we wanted. We went there one night just the two of us and played strip blackjack! Yes I know- blackjack? Two reasons- one: I don't know how to play poker, two: it goes a lot faster than poker which means clothes come off faster! Woo hoo! Yes- I'm damned to hell! I not only gambled in church- I lost my virginity looking up at a huge cross thinking- 'God, please don't strike me dead!" Talk about a rush!:)


Speaking of my first boyfriend- he was quite the exhibitionist. That was a big turn on for me as well. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I'll just list a few of the places we fooled around/had sex because there are a lot! hehe I experienced quite a few firsts with him. Ok- here's the list. Well- we never drove anywhere without my panties coming off- even if it was a 5 minute drive to the store! So you can only imagine what fun we had on our car rides. One time we actually had sex while he was driving. I would not recommend that! We nearly crashed quite a few times! Of course there's the movie theater- but who hasn't fooled around watching a movie?


It seemed whenever there was a blanket around we would end up cuddling and sharing the blanket and groping each other! A few memorable grope sessions: during a church camping trip near the firepit while singing worship songs, watching movies at his house with his parents in the same room. Then there were times no blanket was present but it was discreet. Like at dinner at our senior ball- under the tablecloth. Also one halloween while walking through a haunted house. I had a very short skirt on and his hand was up my skirt the whole time!

His parents owned a party supply store- so we would go there a lot and have sex right in the front of the the store on the floor- under the storefront window. You could only see in from certain angles. In the back of the store there was a table full of books with sample wedding invitations. hehe- if people only knew what happened on top of those invitations a few times. That's just a few of my firsts with him. Like I said- I'm kinky, always have been :)


A few more of my firsts- well I had two good friends growing up and we would always hang out together. Lets just say we liked to see the look of shock on guys faces- so we would either make out with each other or strip down in public a lot LOL. Oh yes, how could I forget? One night we had three guys over my friends house and we made dinner. Then we proceeded to do a strip tease in the backyard, cover ourselves in chocolate syrup and lick it off each other. Then there was the time my best friend and I invited her boyfriend over her house and we were waiting for him in the bathtub taking a bubble bath. We asked him to join us and we ended up kind of having a little threesome. If you could have seen the look on his face when he walked in on us in the tub!


Well there are numerous other things- I could share more, but at this point I think that is enough hehe. So I guess I was kinky from the beginning! It all started with my first sexual encounter. Hmm- I had never thought of it until now. Interesting- very interesting.

Thunderbolt

Ok- this is going to be a long one! Just letting you know ahead of time. This was a major learning experience so I don't want to leave anything out. So- I met another Dom in person a while back- I call him Thunderbolt. Why? Well if you are not familiar with the candy it is a gumball that starts off sweet and once you bite into it it is sour as hell! It leaves you tearing up, your face contorting from the shear sourness taking over! Which explains him to a T! He came across as a nice sweet, caring guy but then turned into a complete ass!

I started chatting with Thunderbolt and again he seemed very nice. He seemed to have the perfect mix- a nice guy but dominant when he needed to be. But for some reason from the beginning I just had this feeling he was only looking for a quick hookup and nothing else. I understand some are into that- that's fine, whatever floats your boat- I'm just not looking to hook up with random people. I may not actively be looking for a long term relationship but that doesn't mean I'm totally opposed to it. I've just found it hard to find someone you connect with on both levels- kinks and chemistry. In a vanilla relationship you just have to worry about the chemistry. But in a long term D/s relationship- there is a whole other level you have to worry about if it is truly going to be a long term relationship. In my eyes- you can't be with someone who has totally different kinks- one party will always be left unsatisfied if that's the case.


So I have come to terms with the fact that it is easier to find someone you share the same kinks with and if more develops from there- awesome! Ultimately- yes I am looking for one I can connect with on both levels- but until then it doesn't mean I'm going to sit back and let life pass me by! I'm going to have fun in the meantime. Don't get the wrong impression of me though- I'm not one that will open my legs to anyone- I do have standards! LOL I have to have some kind of connection with the person- some level of chemistry has to be present.


So shortly after I started chatting with Thunderbolt I sent him a message saying I was taking a break from chatting with people. I knew he was just looking for quick sex so I decided to put an end to our discussions. He then aggresively messaged me back and said "you know you truly are not taking a break from chatting with others. You're just afraid of what I might make you feel. It scares you. I'm different from others so have a little faith in me." So like a dumbass- always trying to look at the positive side of things I thought- maybe he isn't just looking for a one night stand. So I continued to chat with him. Ultimately I agreed to meet him in person. Going into that night I pretty much knew where we would end up at the end of the night but I think I was craving the D/s interaction more than anything.


So he came to my house to pick me up. He had a present for me! He bought me a book about history because he remembered I'm big on reading about history. I thought "aww, how sweet. Maybe he is different!" So we went to dinner- he was easy to talk to I will admit, which is big for me since I am such a shy person. I remember the instant when my suspicions were confirmed on whether he was looking for a one night stand. He kept asking me about others I had met in person from the site. He kept asking me with shock in his voice "so you never played with any of them?!" He then asked me "so you played with your mentor, R?" No! Just friends! Dude- don't you get it? I'm not some slut that just sleeps with someone because they state they are dominant! Not me!


On the drive home I decided to ask a question I know I didn't want to know the answer to! "So, how often do you do this?!" His response- "depends on what you consider often." OMG- totally checked out at that point! No turning back! So we pulled up to my house, he said "I want you to go in your bedroom, change into a pink bra and panties, get on your knees- back to the door and wait for me. Understood? You have 20 minutes." So I went in my bedroom, changed, got on my knees and waited- furiously texting R- "what the hell am I doing? Not sure I want to do this!"


After waiting for quite a while- nearly hyperventilating because I was freaking out about the choice I made- he finally came in- I still had the phone in my hand. He told me in a stern voice- "put your phone down!" So I put my phone down- Here we go!He came up behind me and put a blindfold over my eyes. WTF- he keeps a blindfold on him?! I heard him pacing. He told me to sit up straight and put my hands on my thighs and not to move them. Then I felt a hand brush my hair, then my cheek, my lips.Then I felt a hand on my stomach- he pulled my bra aside- then I felt what I assumed was ice on my nipples- then a mouth!


Next he told me to strip and kneel back down. I did then he told me to open my mouth, so I did- what do you think heppened next? Yes I felt a cock entering my mouth. Like I said before I enjoy oral so there was no problem there! He told me to suck his cock- then he pushed my head down farther so I was deep throating him- yummy! He told me to lay down on the bed and put my hands on the headboard like I was bound- so I did. Then of course you know what happened. I'm not going into full detail about every thrust LOL. I accidently moved a hand and he immediately told me to put my hand back in a stern voice. Oooh- now things were getting exciting! So being the fiesty person I am I did it again on purpose. Again he told me to put my hand back. Ok- so that excited me a little- the whole control thing- so I did it again! He stopped and told me to stand up and bend over the edge of the bed. He said he was going to punish me for not listening- now we're talking! So I bent over the bed- he told me to count out loud every time he spanked me. Let me just say- I LOVE spanking! So I was a little excited at that point. He started "1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10."

After the spanking he told me to go get a black marker- oh boy- that could only mean one thing! I went and got a marker. He told me to lay back down on the bed and put my hands back on the headboard and to leave them there the whole time! Then things continued- he stopped for a minute and said "what should I write on you huh? I'll write fucked- so all your friends will know you were fucked!" LOL- I am cracking up inside at that point. So he wrote fucked on my stomach in big letters. Then he pulled my hair with one hand and I felt another hand around my neck- I immediately freak out! I think "No! Where did you even get the idea that I'm into breath play?! We never discussed anything related to that!" But he didn't choke me- he just put a little pressure which actually excited me a little- I never would have thought I would be into something like that!

If you read my journal entries you know by now that he left without even looking at me and didn't say one word! Not even bye! He just walked out! That really made me feel used! Anyways- there's my story. Again- a learning experience.

Random Thoughts

I'm suffering from a little writer's block at this point so I figured I'd just wing it this time. Sometimes if I just start writing what comes to mind it helps ideas flow. So I'm just going to post a few random thoughts I had today.

First- what's with switches? I understand different strokes for different folks but I seriously cannot see where these people are coming from. To me- you either have a dominant personality or a submissive personality. Maybe I just feel that way because I know for sure I am submissive- anyone who knows me ,there is no question about that! I could never be anything else. I would be unhappy if I was- hell, I was unhappy for a long time because I tried to supress my submissive side. I was taught to be strong my whole life- told women are strong and independant! I come from a family with very strong minded women. So growing up I felt out of place for not wanting to be strong and in control! I thought there was something wrong with me- that I was weak for wanting someone else to take control. Since I found this "lifestyle" I finally feel normal for once! I can be me- I can be submissive. I can be sweet and caring and not be considered weak. That is my personality and I embrace it now.

Anyways- maybe it's just me but it seems switches are more playing a role. I know most say they lean more towards one side- they're 90% dom and 10% sub- what? Pick a damn side! They're not being true to themselves! I think in every relationship- whether friendship or a romantic relationship- people assume roles. There is always one that is more dominant and one that is more submissive- that's just the way it happens. Kind of like a pecking order- it's natural to fall into one of those roles. I don't see how you can go from wanting to be in control of one situation but decide in another situation you want to take a back seat. But again- that is just my opinion.


Second random thought today- why is it that most Dom's I've come across find it hard to believe I am intelligent? Are submissive women out there really that idiotic? I don't know how many times people have said to me- I don't think you are truly submissive. What- because I have a brain and I use it? I speak my mind, stand up for myself? That doesn't mean I'm not submissive- it means I am intelligent, nothing else. Sorry- I'm not one of those women that submits to any man just because he says he is dominant. Isn't that kind of boring? Doesn't it mean more to you for a woman to submit to you because she respects you and trusts you enough to want to submit to you, please you? Or would you rather have a woman that will give into any mans demands because she can't think for herself? To me it doesn't mean as much if you submit to anyone- it doesn't show you want to please your partner- it just shows you want to please men in general- not one man! Am I crazy for thinking this?

Ok- rant over for the day. I'll try to work on this writer's block. Well there is something that is truly putting a damper on my thinking skills right now! I wish I could write about that but now is not the time. Maybe I can share later :)

FYI

Let me clear something up here. I have been asked quite a few times about my relationship with R, my mentor. Again- we are just friends, nothing else. I just happen to be one that gets along better with men than women- so for me it only makes sense to have a man for a mentor. Yes he may be a Dom but that does not mean the dynamic of our friendship changes. It is possible for people that are into D/s to be friends with others and not have a sexual connection. So I just wanted to make it clear to all that he is just a friend and nothing else. Never will be anything else. I am searching for a Dom that suits me and he just happens to be helping in the process. So hopefully that clears up any confussion. Basically- there is nothing to worry about when it comes to me finding a Dom, yes we may have silly rules but ultimately when I find a Dom- that little fun game will come to an end of course. I will do everything in my power to please the man I am with and that does not involve following someone else's rules. Again- just friends- nothing else! OK? LOL

Rules and Punishments

Now for the long awaited explanation of what the hell the "bets" are that I keep losing. It is a very long story but I'll try to get to the point as quickly as I can. As I said before I have a mentor- who is again awesome! Yes, yes take it in R. I know you are enjoying the praise LOL. Let me first explain the dynamic of our relationship so you have a better understanding of where I am coming from.

I started chatting with R on IM after exchaning a few messages back and forth on the BDSM site I mentioned before. At that time I was so leary of chatting with people because I had come across so many fakes and creeps that prey on women that are new to the scene, so they assume I know nothing and will fall for their little tricks. I was at the end of my rope; But I tried to stay positive and kept chatting with people hoping I would find a genuine person somewhere out in the world! When I started chatting with R I was very relieved, he seemed like a normal human being! In our conversations we talked about normal everyday things besides just D/s which was a nice change. He was easy to chat with and funny.


Somehow one day we got on the topic of all the losers I had been chatting with- I said I found it tough to tell who was real and who was fake since I was so new to the scene. He said he would be my mentor if I wanted. Immediately I think to myself "um, what kind of mentor are we talking about here? Cause if you are thinking what I think you are thinking- it is not happening!" Then he said "Don't worry, nothing sexual." which eased my mind. He said he would act as a sounding board, give me advice on things etc. I thought- perfect idea! So I agreed to him being my mentor. Then he said if I wanted we could create a new account that he could have access to as well so he could check the messages I receive from guys to help weed out the fakes. My reaction inside was "hell no! have you lost your mind?!" So because I'm so nice and can never say no to people I told him I was actually chatting with a guy at the moment that was considering me for a project; If it didn't work out then we could discuss the option of the account.

At the time I was chatting with a Dom who I will refer to as Blow Pop (I'll explain the name in my next post- you'll see why I chose that name :) As I'm sure you have figured out by now it did not work out with Blow Pop- so I very reluctantly agreed to start a new profile that R had access to. I had a problem with him being able to read the messages I sent to men and was afraid he would use my account and chat as me or something horrible like that, call me paranoid LOL. But- now I know I have nothing to worry about.


Well to make a long story short I still found idiots to talk to. I seemed to be drawn to men that liked to set rules and things like that without me even meeting them- ultimately because I craved it so much I let complete strangers set ridiculous rules for me to follow. So jokingly one day R said "you want rules? I'll set some rules for you!" Again first thing that popped in my head- "uh, what kind of rules are talking about here?!" Again- nothing sexual. So I asked him to tell me what the rules would be and then I'd let him know if I agreed to his little arrangement. So here are the hilarious rules he set for me:

1. Must text good morning every morning.

2. Will not delete any messages from the BDSM site. (I was deleting all the messages I sent to others so I felt I had some privacy- well that just created problems)

3. Must ask permission for lunch and dinner.

4. Must ask permission to go to bed at night.

5. No underwear at home. (hey- don't ask me, I didn't make the rules!)


The agreement was if I forgot a rule there would in return be a punishment. At first I thought- "you have completely lost your mind R!" but then I thought- "hey, that would actually be good practice for when I do find a Dom and have to follow his rules." At the same time it would satisfy my need for rules to be set and ultimately R's need to control! To me it sounded like a win- win situation. If anything it would just be some comedy relief. So I agreed to his terms. What I didn't think of at the time I agreed to follow these rules was that they would be hard for ME to follow! Not because they're complicated- they are very simple. But I have a horrible memory! So I didn't realize when I agreed that I would actually be getting a lot of punishments due to my lack of short term memory! He stacked the deck in his favor the little genius!So there- my big secret is revealed! They're not really bets- they are punishments. Everyone seems to enjoy the things R puts me through- but what can I say? I think it is pretty funny myself!

Introduction

Hello, I'm Mariposa! I'm pretty new to the BDSM scene. I've been thinking of starting a blog for a while now and figured what better time to start then now? I figured I'd start out explaining my reasons for creating a blog and a little about myself- my past, what led me to BDSM. First let me say I tend to ramble and I'm no english major so bare with me please :) I'm just someone sharing my experiences in life.

OK- why did I decide to start a blog? Well it's a long story! So let me start by giving a little background and then I will get into further detail about a few things in later posts. Well I joined a site a few months ago- a BDSM personals site, in search for a dominant male. Well as luck should have it I met a great friend on the site- he is now my mentor. But my search for a Dom continues, but now I have the help of Mentor R. He is an awesome individual and has helped me tremendously with things.

So- I started these what I refer to as "bets" with Mentor R. They're not really bets, but it is easier to say that than having to go into great detail each time I am asked why I have to complete a taks I have been given. (I'll explain what these "bets" are later on) Back to why I started this blog!So, on the BDSM site whenever I would lose a "bet" I would have to post something on my profile- like a journal entry or a picture. People started viewing my profile just to see what crazy things I had to do with each bet I lost. So I figured why not start a blog where they can view all my hilarious shenanigans. Plus I was receiving a lot of rude messages from individuals on the BDSM site regarding my journal entries. I figured if I post here hopefully that will eliminate a lot of the horrible messages I receive.

Now I will tell you about myself and how I came into the BDSM scene. I just have a naturally submissive personality. I've always just let the guy take the lead in relationships- even with friendships I take a back seat and let the other take control. But I'd say my first taste of D/s was when I was 19. I grew up in a very sheltered, religious home. I way very naive growing up. At 19 I had never heard of BDSM or D/s let alone even knew there was a whole "lifestyle" out there. Anyways- I had a "friend with benefits" at the time. I remember the first "kinky" encounter. We were in the middle of things and I feel this smack on my ass! I freeze! I think to myself "Did he seriously just spank me?!" I start laughing because at that point I'm in shock that he even did that- and that I liked it! he asked me if I liked it. Of course I just laughed again because I was so embarrassed to say I did like it! But it then became a regular thing between us.

Over the next few months he begin to take more and more control over our "relationship". He started giving me rules, instructions. The first rule was I could only wear pink bras and panties- no other color. He said "I want you to go buy all pink bras and panties because you are only allowed to wear pink when you are with me from now on. Understood?" I didn't even blink- I agreed and then proceeded to go out first thing the next morning and buy every pink bra and pair of panties I could get my hands on! You'd think I would stop for a minute and think- that was an odd request. But that never entered my mind! I just wanted to please him and would do whatever it took to do exactly that. I loved the fact that he was in total control of things- I loved the dynamic of our relationship. Slowly he kept adding more "rules" and I just followed them willingly, happily. Other rules were to use proper english, speak in complete sentences. I could never say "yeah" only "yes" and never "thanks" only "thank you". He also told me how to dress, ordered for me when we went out to eat.

After about a year we went our separate ways. After our relationship ended I was in a vanilla relationship for 7 years. I ended up getting married and ultimately divorced. I neve gave my prior relationship thought, but it was always in the back of my mind that I wanted to find a man that liked to be in control. During the year after my divorce I did a lot of soul searching. Also due to depression- I read nonstop! I read to escape my reality. Yes I admit I read a lot of erotica during that time. I happened to pick up a new book one day not knowing it was about BDSM. I started reading and immediately thought- "whoa you should NOT be reading this. This is so not your thing." But the more I read the more I was drawn into the book, I couldn't put it down! I had never found a book so exciting in my life! It scared me I will admit because I thought there was no way I could be into being tied up, controlled, humiliated. But it lingered in the back of my mind for days. Finally I came to terms with it and decided to do some research into the lifestyle.


I looked up all the information I could find on the internet about BDSM. At first when I thought of the lifestyle I thought- well I like a lot of the aspects but there are so many I have no interest in! The more research I did I found it more and more enticing. I found you don't have to be into everything! I'm just not as extreme as some when it comes to BDSM. That is when it all fell into place for me. I knew this was what I was craving, missing from my relationships.So I decided to explore this side of myself. I thought what better way to meet other kinky people than online! So that is what brought me to this point in my life. I'm still searching for my perfect Dom :) I do have to say I have met some interesting characters along the way that I will tell you about later. Also I am talking to a certain someone I must say interests me a lot at this point. That is all I'm going to say at this point. More to come...