Well at this time I am exploring the possibility of becoming one's sub. I feel very honored and privileged to even be under consideration to be owned. I would be overjoyed to be owned- the thought of one thinking I please enough to be owned- that would make me very happy. So with the possibility of being owned in my near future- well who knows- no reason to rush into anything. With the possibility of being owned in my future- I have been doing a lot of thinking and surprisingly I am more at peace. I think just based on my personality- I like the dynamic of someone having control over certain aspects in my life. Not to say I want someone to control EVERY aspect of my life. Come on! First- not possible, second- so not my thing! I'm a sub- I'm not looking for someone to make every decision for me- just certain aspects. So knowing I might have that control aspect in my life soon and feeling comfortable and pleased with it solidifies in my mind- my need for submission.
I spent months going back and forth thinking- "are you really THAT submissive? Are you really willing to offer that much trust to someone? Do you really want to have to answer to authority- follow rules, complete tasks?" But when I'm told to do something or a rule is enforced I fall into it so easily- it's like second nature to me. It fits like a glove- I'm actually happy following rules no matter how ridiculous and completing tasks knowing when I do it pleases the other person.
Sometimes just for a rule to be enforced I'll push the limit and be fiesty just so authority is used. But I will admit maybe I do it too often at this point and I need to figure out when it is ok to be playful and when I truly should follow directions- no questions asked. Yes- I do need boundaries set and I'm comfortable and again feel at peace when I have set boundaries and rules. Just as there are women who love to be in control and do what they please there are women who live to please others. I am one who lives to please- that is me and I'm not going to change. Before I thought it a sign of weakness- willing to do whatever I can to please another- but now I don't view it that way at all. I am who I am- everyone is different. How can I view submission as a weakness when I feel so comfortable doing it? I feel out of place and totally out of control when I am left to make all decisions for myself. If anything I think it takes more strength to give up some form of control to another- to trust another that much, willing to do whatever it takes to please another.
Is it odd to say I feel more empowered when I follow another's rules willingly? It's an unusual concept to grasp- but that explains exactly how I feel. I'm comfortable, I'm myself, I hold my head higher, I'm more sure of myself- who I am when I give over some of the power of decision making to another. So I look forward to possibly having the opportunity to be chosen to be owned. This is me and everyday- with every rule that is set, every task completed, everytime I say "Sir"- the peace I feel in that moment tells me I'm where I need to be in my life finally and that I have found and accepted ME.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Positive Thinking
Well- I am feeling much better today. Like I said I let things get to me from time to time but for the most part I am a very happy care free person. So- I'm back! I'll admit I have been chatting with someone that I think would be a really great match as my Dom. Of course I have a lot to still learn about this person- but are we ever finished getting to know ourselves or others? I don't think so- I think it is great to always explore things about yourself and others. So- I don't want to say too much because he's not really big about being posted about :) I'll just talk about my impressions so far.
Well- I have found it hard to find one that matches my personality and can put up with my wackiness! I can be a bit odd at times as I'm sure you all know by now and I tend to be a little fiesty sometimes, which a lot of Dom's do not like. It seems he likes my bratiness from time to time which is good because I can't change that about myself- that is just me. You either like it or you don't. I'm not changing my personality to suit someone- if they can't handle it then we are not the right match. I find it easy to talk to him about anything and I think that is very important when it comes to BDSM. He seems to be (ok- sorry if you don't like this word but it's totally true :) a sweetheart, but a Dom at the right times. I want to find someone I can talk to as a friend before we even think about getting into D/s. So far I have to say I think I have found that.
The only thing I wonder about still at this point is what exactly the dynamic would be between us if he decides he wants to own me. I know we would only see each other maybe a few times a month- which works for both of us actaully- so that is great. But what would it be like in between those times? Would there be no interaction at all? I'm not sure lol. I honestly must say I am the type that is really into the mental aspect of things and really enjoy the control. I like rules and I like tasks. Honestly when looking for a Dom I need that dynamic- I need someone who likes to set rules and enforce them. So that is something that needs to be discussed. I know your all thinking- "why not just ask him then?" Well I would but lately he seems very busy and I'm a very shy person so I don't want to seem overbearing and ask questions when he has so many other things going on. That's just me- I don't want to take up peoples time if I don't have to. So I'm waiting patiently to see how it goes at this point. But yes- I am very impressed with him- it takes a lot for me to put that out there because even though I may seem like the type that speaks my mind all the time- when it comes to putting myself out there as a possible sub for someone I get shy and kind of flip out inside a little. I'm just being honest lol- maybe because I have never been owned so I have no idea what to really expect. Plus for me to even talk to a total stranger on the street is hard enough! So of course I'm going to have a hard time talking to someone I might possibly have to trust with my well being.
I will say this much- I think I get along with this individual better than I have with any other. I think we view D/s a lot in the same way which is great. So at this point so far so good. So hopefully we can keep chatting and getting to know each other better because I think we could really have a lot of fun together. More to come hopefully...
Well- I have found it hard to find one that matches my personality and can put up with my wackiness! I can be a bit odd at times as I'm sure you all know by now and I tend to be a little fiesty sometimes, which a lot of Dom's do not like. It seems he likes my bratiness from time to time which is good because I can't change that about myself- that is just me. You either like it or you don't. I'm not changing my personality to suit someone- if they can't handle it then we are not the right match. I find it easy to talk to him about anything and I think that is very important when it comes to BDSM. He seems to be (ok- sorry if you don't like this word but it's totally true :) a sweetheart, but a Dom at the right times. I want to find someone I can talk to as a friend before we even think about getting into D/s. So far I have to say I think I have found that.
The only thing I wonder about still at this point is what exactly the dynamic would be between us if he decides he wants to own me. I know we would only see each other maybe a few times a month- which works for both of us actaully- so that is great. But what would it be like in between those times? Would there be no interaction at all? I'm not sure lol. I honestly must say I am the type that is really into the mental aspect of things and really enjoy the control. I like rules and I like tasks. Honestly when looking for a Dom I need that dynamic- I need someone who likes to set rules and enforce them. So that is something that needs to be discussed. I know your all thinking- "why not just ask him then?" Well I would but lately he seems very busy and I'm a very shy person so I don't want to seem overbearing and ask questions when he has so many other things going on. That's just me- I don't want to take up peoples time if I don't have to. So I'm waiting patiently to see how it goes at this point. But yes- I am very impressed with him- it takes a lot for me to put that out there because even though I may seem like the type that speaks my mind all the time- when it comes to putting myself out there as a possible sub for someone I get shy and kind of flip out inside a little. I'm just being honest lol- maybe because I have never been owned so I have no idea what to really expect. Plus for me to even talk to a total stranger on the street is hard enough! So of course I'm going to have a hard time talking to someone I might possibly have to trust with my well being.
I will say this much- I think I get along with this individual better than I have with any other. I think we view D/s a lot in the same way which is great. So at this point so far so good. So hopefully we can keep chatting and getting to know each other better because I think we could really have a lot of fun together. More to come hopefully...
Friday, August 13, 2010
Life
"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do with what happens to you."
Lou Holtz(American Football Coach)
I couldn't have said it better myself Lou. I've been trying to come up with a post the past few days but nothing seems to be right. Sorry guys, I can't post about BDSM right now or my past or some play session I've had lately. Well for one- I haven't had any play sessions! Two- my mind has been occupied with other things recently. Life in general has been bringing me down! It's tough to stay positive 100% of the time- I try my best. Of course every now and then things get in the way and drag me back to my not so happy life a few years ago. Unfortunately there are still times I am reminded about my last relationship with my ex husband- lets just say we are not on speaking terms and I'm sure we never will be. My life has been a total blur these past two years. I had to deal with something the other day that reminded me of him. I can't help it- everytime he enters my thoughts I get so angry I want to punch him! Well- that might get me in trouble and he's in a totally different state so that's not an option.
I'm not going to share all the horrible details of our life together- I think that is too personal. Even though I want to scream at the top of my lungs and tell the whole world what a horrible, mean person he is. No- I wont stoop to his level and I wont share that much detail. I just get so tired of holding everything in- I have not told anyone all the details of what happened between us. Not even my best friend of 20 years! But this is not the place to share those things. I know you all read to hear of my experiences in BDSM- but I just can't write about that right now unfortunately and it's killing me! I don't want things to bother me- I just want to live my life. But I can't help but be reminded every once in a while. Like Lou Holtz said- life is 10% what happens to you- the other 90% is up to me how I handle it and I don't like the way I'm handling it right now. So I'm going to take a few days to regroup and get my head on straight again. More to come....
Lou Holtz(American Football Coach)
I couldn't have said it better myself Lou. I've been trying to come up with a post the past few days but nothing seems to be right. Sorry guys, I can't post about BDSM right now or my past or some play session I've had lately. Well for one- I haven't had any play sessions! Two- my mind has been occupied with other things recently. Life in general has been bringing me down! It's tough to stay positive 100% of the time- I try my best. Of course every now and then things get in the way and drag me back to my not so happy life a few years ago. Unfortunately there are still times I am reminded about my last relationship with my ex husband- lets just say we are not on speaking terms and I'm sure we never will be. My life has been a total blur these past two years. I had to deal with something the other day that reminded me of him. I can't help it- everytime he enters my thoughts I get so angry I want to punch him! Well- that might get me in trouble and he's in a totally different state so that's not an option.
I'm not going to share all the horrible details of our life together- I think that is too personal. Even though I want to scream at the top of my lungs and tell the whole world what a horrible, mean person he is. No- I wont stoop to his level and I wont share that much detail. I just get so tired of holding everything in- I have not told anyone all the details of what happened between us. Not even my best friend of 20 years! But this is not the place to share those things. I know you all read to hear of my experiences in BDSM- but I just can't write about that right now unfortunately and it's killing me! I don't want things to bother me- I just want to live my life. But I can't help but be reminded every once in a while. Like Lou Holtz said- life is 10% what happens to you- the other 90% is up to me how I handle it and I don't like the way I'm handling it right now. So I'm going to take a few days to regroup and get my head on straight again. More to come....
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Piss Off! Oh- Excuse Me, Piss Off Please?
well I's says I aint no english major! Sorry- I had a conversation with someone last night and they made me feel like I write like that. Thanks for your opinion- but I really don't give a damn! Like I said before I'm not an english major- I'm not perfect. I know my blog is filled with mistakes but this is me and I'm not changing the way I write or the way I feel about my writing. This is MY blog- I can write however I want. If you don't like it or it bugs the crap out of you- go elsewhere! Don't read it then! I'm human and I know I may misspell some things or overlook something-deal! This is my place to vent, to tell about my experiences, to write whatever I want to- piss off! Of course I mean that in the nicest way possible :) I'm serious- I may come off as an opinionated bitch a lot- but seriously, most of the things I say on here I would never ever say to someone in person! This is my place to let it all out anonymously- plus this is a country where we have freedom of speech. Let me speak my mind alright? If I sounds like a idiot- I's sounds like a idiot and I's don't care one bit! Again- I mean everything in the nicest way possible- but I am sticking my tongue out at you like a little kid right now!
Also- ever heard of literary techniques? Well if not do some research! My blog applies to one of those techniques dude! It's called stream of consciousness- look it up! Basically you write things down as quickly as they come to mind- no thinking- just write. Also it is an interior monologue showing my feelings and actions. Once I found this literary technique I loved it- it is me! I tell it like it is and I don't think before I speak a lot of the time- plus I don't hide my feelings from anyone. So it makes sense for me to write this way! Plus- this is not a damn book or a test- it's a freakin blog! But don't worry- I still love you. I accept your soon to come apology hehe. Was that Domme enough? I try sometimes and it doesn't seem to work.
Also- ever heard of literary techniques? Well if not do some research! My blog applies to one of those techniques dude! It's called stream of consciousness- look it up! Basically you write things down as quickly as they come to mind- no thinking- just write. Also it is an interior monologue showing my feelings and actions. Once I found this literary technique I loved it- it is me! I tell it like it is and I don't think before I speak a lot of the time- plus I don't hide my feelings from anyone. So it makes sense for me to write this way! Plus- this is not a damn book or a test- it's a freakin blog! But don't worry- I still love you. I accept your soon to come apology hehe. Was that Domme enough? I try sometimes and it doesn't seem to work.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I Want Candy
Yes- I want candy! When I say candy- I mean a man! Geez- a girl with a crazy sex drive never gets a break. People say to me- "well, your a woman. How hard can it be to get sex? Just go down to your local bar and I'm sure there would be guys begging you to have sex." Ok- um, no! For one- I don't want some drunk dude pawing at me that is so wasted he can't see straight. Second- yeah, I don't go searching for random strangers to have sex with. Third- I don't want a plain Hershey bar! I want kinky candy! Give me some variety! If I'm going to eat chocolate I want it to at least have nuts or crispies or even a truffle, some kind of substance! Plus- I'm not a Hershey girl. Godiva- yes! Hershey- no way! If I'm going to go out looking for sex- it's going to be with someone I know can deliver and deliver well- you know what I'm saying? wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
I don't want vanilla sex- no I want wild crazy sex people! Come on! I had boring vanilla sex for the past 7 years- thinking of all the laundry I could be getting done instead of laying on my back. Or all the dishes that needed to be done, or that I could be catching up on my sleep! Does that sound fun? No! I tried to spice it up one time, with my ex husband- not even anything big! I said I liked my hair pulled- what response did I get? A look of horror- and a little tug that even a baby wouldn't cry about. Come on- it's not like I asked you to fuck me in the ass! Hair pulling? Really? That freaks you out? If you only knew the things that went through my head on a daily basis. He was into dominant women- so not me! But I felt like doing it once just to show him how I wanted to be handled. Yeah- I would have turned into Mistress Trinity! No- no more vanilla sex! I could not handle that right now- it would be like a tease. I've spent years holding back all this- I want to let it out! Yeah- crazy redhead, I can't help it.
I had a little task to complete last night for someone- wow! Well last night it helped things- I was in heaven. But today- my God! Talk about frustration! I swear I'm like a druggy. Once I start with anything sexual- instead of making it better- it makes the frustration worse! I want it more instead of less! It's like I can never get enough once I start! Yeah- it will take a person with one crazy sex drive to fufill my needs right now. What am I talking about? ALL the time! I have an out of control sex drive- I admit it. My girlfriends look at me like I'm insane and tell me I think too much like a guy. What?! A woman can't be horny all the time? What's wrong with that? Nothing I say. It can either be a curse or the greatest thing about me. Right now- since I can't do anything about it, it's a curse! But if I find someone with a sex drive as strong as mine- oh yeah! The best thing ever! OK- enough ranting about my out of control need for sex!
I don't want vanilla sex- no I want wild crazy sex people! Come on! I had boring vanilla sex for the past 7 years- thinking of all the laundry I could be getting done instead of laying on my back. Or all the dishes that needed to be done, or that I could be catching up on my sleep! Does that sound fun? No! I tried to spice it up one time, with my ex husband- not even anything big! I said I liked my hair pulled- what response did I get? A look of horror- and a little tug that even a baby wouldn't cry about. Come on- it's not like I asked you to fuck me in the ass! Hair pulling? Really? That freaks you out? If you only knew the things that went through my head on a daily basis. He was into dominant women- so not me! But I felt like doing it once just to show him how I wanted to be handled. Yeah- I would have turned into Mistress Trinity! No- no more vanilla sex! I could not handle that right now- it would be like a tease. I've spent years holding back all this- I want to let it out! Yeah- crazy redhead, I can't help it.
I had a little task to complete last night for someone- wow! Well last night it helped things- I was in heaven. But today- my God! Talk about frustration! I swear I'm like a druggy. Once I start with anything sexual- instead of making it better- it makes the frustration worse! I want it more instead of less! It's like I can never get enough once I start! Yeah- it will take a person with one crazy sex drive to fufill my needs right now. What am I talking about? ALL the time! I have an out of control sex drive- I admit it. My girlfriends look at me like I'm insane and tell me I think too much like a guy. What?! A woman can't be horny all the time? What's wrong with that? Nothing I say. It can either be a curse or the greatest thing about me. Right now- since I can't do anything about it, it's a curse! But if I find someone with a sex drive as strong as mine- oh yeah! The best thing ever! OK- enough ranting about my out of control need for sex!
Monday, August 9, 2010
I Want A Dom!!!
Don't you wish sometimes you could throw a temper tantrum like a child? I sure do! I see my daughter act like it's the end of the world if I tell her no she can't have a cookie. She immediately throws herself to the floor and starts flailing around like a fish out of water. I want to get away with that! Might get out some of my frustration- but instead of screaming "I want a cookie!" I'd scream "I want a Dom- now!!" LOL- not to say I'm going to just settle and take the first person that offers! I've found out I am quite picky when it comes to what I'm looking for. But geez- I feel like a kid in school without a cool lunch box! It seems every person I've chatted with in the past has found a sub and I'm sitting here all by my lonesome- just twiddling my thumbs, trying to wait patiently. But inside I want to scream and flail about on the floor. I know I really need to work on my patience- I have none! I know- very subtle Mariposa. I can't help it- I always speak my mind no matter how revealing it might be.
It makes me stop and think- is this not for me? Is there something completely wrong with me? Would I not make a good sub- is that why I've had no luck so far? Then I think- no I wasn't chatting with real Dom's before- I was chatting with immature little boys looking for an easy target and they found it! But believe me- I have learned! Now I'm not the most confident person- so me saying this about myself takes a lot! I don't want people to think I'm full of myself or anything- but if you know me well enough- you know I am the farthest thing from confident. But I have to say- I would make one kick ass sub for someone! I know for a fact just due to my personality. I live to please! Even in all my past relationships I gave everything I had to my partner- they came first. Their happiness, comfort, needs- everything!
So yeah- I know I would make a wonderful sub. So why is it I don't have people asking me left and right?! Well, I know I'm not the most normal person- yeah I'm goofy, I'm out there- but take a look in the mirror people! We're all freaks here! BDSM- yeah we're all a little out there. Admit it! :) Or is it my looks? Got me! I know I'm no supermodel but I look at some of these people that have Dom's and think (sorry- some may think this is very shallow) "They have a Dom?! Yet I can't find one?" Who knows- I will say this much though- yes I will make first contact with someone. But after that, you want me- don't be subtle! Aren't you a Dom for Christ's sake? You want it- come take it- stake a claim! Bring it! Show me whose in charge! I understand it takes time to get to know an individual and trust them- but if your interested- at least tell me you are! I'm not a mind reader- or else I just don't understand anything at all- like I said I'm a ditz! Spell it out! Tell me all the dirty kinky things you want to do to me. I hold back until I know what is on someones mind for a couple reasons 1. I'm supposed to be "submissive" and not be in control! 2. I don't honestly know what's going through a persons head- you have to lay it all out for me to understand.
I'm so frustrated at this point with all this pent up sexual frustration and need for punishment. I feel sorry for the person who has to deal with me! :) You'll have a wild woman on your hands! Hope you can handle it. So yeah- I want to throw a tantrum and scream "I want a Dom! I want a punishment now! I need a punishment! Tie me up! Spank me! Pull my hair! Show me who's in charge- put me in my place! Fuck me!" Yes- I'm a bit flustered at this point if you couldn't tell hehe. Oh- did I tell you- I want a Dom!
It makes me stop and think- is this not for me? Is there something completely wrong with me? Would I not make a good sub- is that why I've had no luck so far? Then I think- no I wasn't chatting with real Dom's before- I was chatting with immature little boys looking for an easy target and they found it! But believe me- I have learned! Now I'm not the most confident person- so me saying this about myself takes a lot! I don't want people to think I'm full of myself or anything- but if you know me well enough- you know I am the farthest thing from confident. But I have to say- I would make one kick ass sub for someone! I know for a fact just due to my personality. I live to please! Even in all my past relationships I gave everything I had to my partner- they came first. Their happiness, comfort, needs- everything!
So yeah- I know I would make a wonderful sub. So why is it I don't have people asking me left and right?! Well, I know I'm not the most normal person- yeah I'm goofy, I'm out there- but take a look in the mirror people! We're all freaks here! BDSM- yeah we're all a little out there. Admit it! :) Or is it my looks? Got me! I know I'm no supermodel but I look at some of these people that have Dom's and think (sorry- some may think this is very shallow) "They have a Dom?! Yet I can't find one?" Who knows- I will say this much though- yes I will make first contact with someone. But after that, you want me- don't be subtle! Aren't you a Dom for Christ's sake? You want it- come take it- stake a claim! Bring it! Show me whose in charge! I understand it takes time to get to know an individual and trust them- but if your interested- at least tell me you are! I'm not a mind reader- or else I just don't understand anything at all- like I said I'm a ditz! Spell it out! Tell me all the dirty kinky things you want to do to me. I hold back until I know what is on someones mind for a couple reasons 1. I'm supposed to be "submissive" and not be in control! 2. I don't honestly know what's going through a persons head- you have to lay it all out for me to understand.
I'm so frustrated at this point with all this pent up sexual frustration and need for punishment. I feel sorry for the person who has to deal with me! :) You'll have a wild woman on your hands! Hope you can handle it. So yeah- I want to throw a tantrum and scream "I want a Dom! I want a punishment now! I need a punishment! Tie me up! Spank me! Pull my hair! Show me who's in charge- put me in my place! Fuck me!" Yes- I'm a bit flustered at this point if you couldn't tell hehe. Oh- did I tell you- I want a Dom!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Best/Worst Places To Have Sex
Well, if you don't know by now- 1. I have a crazy ass sex drive 2. I've done it in numerous public places. I figured I'd compile a list of the best and worst places I personally have had sex. I would like to see others comments on the best and worst places they have had sex- to me it is hilarious and kinky. Hmm- where to start? Lets start with the 5 worst places I have had sex.
Top 5 Worst Places I've Had Sex
1. Picnic table at a state park- yeah the park ranger stopped us right in the middle and said to take it elsewhere. hehe
2. On a pull out couch at my best friends house- might as well have taken the mattress off and just done it right on the metal bars! I could barely move the next day! Covered in bruises, felt like I'd been beaten with a baseball bat the night before! Oh- and not to mention right in the middle of things my friend walks in and starts commenting on the dudes skills! WTF! Go fuck your own boyfriend- or is he really that bad that you have to sit and watch me getting it on?!
3. Cemetery- do I really have to explain this one? Let's just say I freak when in cemeteries to begin with! Your walking on remains for God sakes! Dead people! To be rolling around on top of some old dudes grave- kinda creepy! I'm afraid after I die the old dude is going to come up to me and yell at me for disgracing his final resting place! Or he might be like "hey baby- want to give it a go?" I know I'm odd.
4. At church- well I have to say I liked it! But just for the sheer fact that I am now damned for all of eternity- it may not be the best place to have a little fun! But that's what made it so awesome!
5. Boyfriend's parents waterbed- um, can we say mood killer? All I could think about the whole time was what his parents had done in that bed! Ewww!
Top 5 Best Places I've Had Sex
1. On the school district council's conference desk- my boyfriend at the time worked for the school district. Where I live the school board bought a house out in the middle of nowhere and that is where they hold their meetings. They have this huge ass desk- so why let it go to waste? If the school board only knew what happened on that desk. hehe
2. In a tent on a church camping trip- I guess you could say I like to do things I consider naughty. It makes it that much more thrilling. So the fact that I had sex at a church function- yeah, kinky. Also the fact that everyone was a few feet away sitting around the camp fire singing worship songs while I was "worshiping" my boyfriend's cock- craziness!
3. While driving- ok except for the danger factor, we almost drove off the winding mountain road a dozen times- it was hot! Yeah- I liked the fact that I could make him feel that good that he couldn't concentrate on driving!
4. In the bed of a truck at the drive in- it was great, you could look up at the stars in the sky- that's about as romantic as I get LOL. But what I really liked about it was there were people all around watching a movie not knowing what was going on in the car next to them.
5. In a storage room in the back of a business- my boyfriend at the time, his parents owned a party supply store. We would go to the store pretty much every damn night and have fun. They had a huge ass storage room in the back of the store with lots of room to get it on! Plus he was really into lingerie- so he would buy me things and have me model them and then rip them off!
I honestly could go on and on but I wont. Lets just say- I don't even remember a lot of the places I had sex! With one person in particular it just happened wherever we went- maybe it was hormones, who knows. No- not hormones cause I'd still do it anywhere. OK- maybe not anywhere! But I am crazy when it comes to sex- I want it when I want it and I'll do whatever it takes to get it hehe.
Top 5 Worst Places I've Had Sex
1. Picnic table at a state park- yeah the park ranger stopped us right in the middle and said to take it elsewhere. hehe
2. On a pull out couch at my best friends house- might as well have taken the mattress off and just done it right on the metal bars! I could barely move the next day! Covered in bruises, felt like I'd been beaten with a baseball bat the night before! Oh- and not to mention right in the middle of things my friend walks in and starts commenting on the dudes skills! WTF! Go fuck your own boyfriend- or is he really that bad that you have to sit and watch me getting it on?!
3. Cemetery- do I really have to explain this one? Let's just say I freak when in cemeteries to begin with! Your walking on remains for God sakes! Dead people! To be rolling around on top of some old dudes grave- kinda creepy! I'm afraid after I die the old dude is going to come up to me and yell at me for disgracing his final resting place! Or he might be like "hey baby- want to give it a go?" I know I'm odd.
4. At church- well I have to say I liked it! But just for the sheer fact that I am now damned for all of eternity- it may not be the best place to have a little fun! But that's what made it so awesome!
5. Boyfriend's parents waterbed- um, can we say mood killer? All I could think about the whole time was what his parents had done in that bed! Ewww!
Top 5 Best Places I've Had Sex
1. On the school district council's conference desk- my boyfriend at the time worked for the school district. Where I live the school board bought a house out in the middle of nowhere and that is where they hold their meetings. They have this huge ass desk- so why let it go to waste? If the school board only knew what happened on that desk. hehe
2. In a tent on a church camping trip- I guess you could say I like to do things I consider naughty. It makes it that much more thrilling. So the fact that I had sex at a church function- yeah, kinky. Also the fact that everyone was a few feet away sitting around the camp fire singing worship songs while I was "worshiping" my boyfriend's cock- craziness!
3. While driving- ok except for the danger factor, we almost drove off the winding mountain road a dozen times- it was hot! Yeah- I liked the fact that I could make him feel that good that he couldn't concentrate on driving!
4. In the bed of a truck at the drive in- it was great, you could look up at the stars in the sky- that's about as romantic as I get LOL. But what I really liked about it was there were people all around watching a movie not knowing what was going on in the car next to them.
5. In a storage room in the back of a business- my boyfriend at the time, his parents owned a party supply store. We would go to the store pretty much every damn night and have fun. They had a huge ass storage room in the back of the store with lots of room to get it on! Plus he was really into lingerie- so he would buy me things and have me model them and then rip them off!
I honestly could go on and on but I wont. Lets just say- I don't even remember a lot of the places I had sex! With one person in particular it just happened wherever we went- maybe it was hormones, who knows. No- not hormones cause I'd still do it anywhere. OK- maybe not anywhere! But I am crazy when it comes to sex- I want it when I want it and I'll do whatever it takes to get it hehe.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Sweaty Sex
So- I was working out today and this random little ditty crossed my mind. Yes- the things my mind comes up with when I have nothing better to occupy it than staring at a blank wall while running on the treadmill. I despise, loathe, detest sweating! I can't stand it- the minute I break a sweat working out I freak! Immediately I think "oh my god! Shower- now!". I've always been this way- even while dancing my ass off for 6 hours a day I would cringe if I got the least bit sweaty. But why is it that when it comes to sweaty sex- I'm all over it! Yeah! Fun times- so animalistic. WTF! Am I the only one that thinks this? Am I the only crazy person that finds it completely sexy to have a sweaty man's body sliding up against me- all slippery? Yet if a man were to workout at the gym, come home and try to just hug me- I would break his arm before I would let him touch me! But the minute someone starts breaking a sweat due to the vigorous thrusting of crazy ass sex- I don't care if I am swimming in a pool of sweat! Bring it on! Just don't stop what you're doing!
So that makes me wonder- do men think the same thing when a woman sweats during sex? Somehow I don't think so LOL. I know- girls are not supposed to sweat, burp, fart- none of that guy stuff! Most like to believe we are perfect and are not even capable of these things. Most that is. There are the few out there that are into that- I have yet to meet any myself! Yeah- my crazy mind. I totally forgot the point of all this- I guess there really wasn't a point! Just crazy thoughts! Many more to come- believe me!
So that makes me wonder- do men think the same thing when a woman sweats during sex? Somehow I don't think so LOL. I know- girls are not supposed to sweat, burp, fart- none of that guy stuff! Most like to believe we are perfect and are not even capable of these things. Most that is. There are the few out there that are into that- I have yet to meet any myself! Yeah- my crazy mind. I totally forgot the point of all this- I guess there really wasn't a point! Just crazy thoughts! Many more to come- believe me!
Friday, August 6, 2010
Hard Limits
Another punishment :( But it's actually a good one I think hehe. I have to discuss my hard limits and why I have them. Basically all my hard limits are things that just don't do it for me and never will. Plus they really freak me out LOL. I know- to each his own. That's fine if you are into these things- they're just not for me.
So hard limits- needle play, blood, scat, no watersports of any kind. Diapers, enemas, pony/puppy play, animals and children of course! Again- fine with me if that does it for you- but no I will never be taking part in any of that. Things that don't do it for me but am open to if my partner enjoys it- electrical play, age play- I'm talking like college student/professor or high school student/teacher. Antything younger- like baby or little girl- out of the question. Also I'm not really into verbal humiliation. If the reason for the verbal humiliation is to "put me in my place"- I think physical humiliation is just as effective if not more so. Not to say you can't call me slut, bitch, dirty girl etc. That's fine- I just don't like put downs like "your pathetic" "your worthless" etc. No- I'm not worthless or pathetic and I wont put up with that. If your showing me who is in charge- do it another way. It's just as effective to have me walk around naked or sit at your feet or have me bend over exposing everything. To me that works better than saying someone is worthless or saying things like "fuck you"- that just gets to me emotionally and doesn't make me want to submit- it makes me want to fight back and tell you off. Also- I'm a sub, not a slave. I don't want to feel worthless or less than. I'm a person- don't degrade me emotionally. Physically, fine- you want to act like I'm nothing but a sex object- great, actually that could be fun in some ways. But don't mess with my emotions and put me down. Make sense?
I might have forgotten some hard limits- there's so many different things out there that it is hard to remember them all. So that is why communication is key- I think I have a right to say at any time "nope- not happening", after all it is MY body. So at this point everything else not listed is open for negotiation and I'm willing to try. How else am I supposed to know if I will enjoy it or not? I've done a few things now that I thought were limits for me in the heat of the moment and actually enjoyed them! So- hard limits- definately no question. Everything else- open to trying once to see if I like it and then decide if it is for me or not.
Well- went over limits, how about things I am really interested in trying or know I like? Bondage, rough play, spanking, hair pulling, dirty talk, rules and tasks, biting, floggers, paddles, some role play- not all the time. I prefer me to be me and you to be you. Blindfolds, sensory play, wax, face slapping (not hard enough to leave a mark or even for me to feel the next day! Just a little playful slap) Not sure if I would call it breath play- just a little pressure, not completely cutting off oxygen.
OK- let me clarify again what I am looking for LOL. Maybe I'm not explaining myself properly. When I say I'm not looking for a LTR- I don't mean I'm just looking to hook up with random people all the time! There has to be trust there- a connection, something! I just mean I don't have to find a "boyfriend"- doesn't have to have that label. It can be a Dom/sub Master/slave dynamic. If it develops into more- great!, if not- fine! but there does have to be trust and respect there. If your going to be tying me up and spanking me, using a flogger- damn straight I better know and trust you! To me D/s is about more than just a physical connection, sex. It goes deeper than that- I think if anything you need to be great friends first. A partner in crime- someone you can confide in, know they are not only looking out for themselves but you as well.
Also- I'm taking this seriously. I am seriously looking for a Dom. So if I am discussing things with you at this point and am opening up to you- I find there is a connection there. I will be honest- at this point I am chatting with two individuals- both great people. I'm not chatting with others and not looking to chat with others right now because as I said I am taking this seriously. I'm not just looking to play games and flirt via IM. I have to say- both great people and there might be a connection there with both. Same kinks, personalities mesh well. So here I go- being open. I don't like to chat with more than one person, I can't read minds, I can only take it so far myself- so if you like me come get me! LOL I'm not good with subtle and I know some don't like you chatting with others at the same time- again I don't get subtle- I'm a ditz. So at this point if you feel a connection and want to see if we get along- the ball is in your court :)
So hard limits- needle play, blood, scat, no watersports of any kind. Diapers, enemas, pony/puppy play, animals and children of course! Again- fine with me if that does it for you- but no I will never be taking part in any of that. Things that don't do it for me but am open to if my partner enjoys it- electrical play, age play- I'm talking like college student/professor or high school student/teacher. Antything younger- like baby or little girl- out of the question. Also I'm not really into verbal humiliation. If the reason for the verbal humiliation is to "put me in my place"- I think physical humiliation is just as effective if not more so. Not to say you can't call me slut, bitch, dirty girl etc. That's fine- I just don't like put downs like "your pathetic" "your worthless" etc. No- I'm not worthless or pathetic and I wont put up with that. If your showing me who is in charge- do it another way. It's just as effective to have me walk around naked or sit at your feet or have me bend over exposing everything. To me that works better than saying someone is worthless or saying things like "fuck you"- that just gets to me emotionally and doesn't make me want to submit- it makes me want to fight back and tell you off. Also- I'm a sub, not a slave. I don't want to feel worthless or less than. I'm a person- don't degrade me emotionally. Physically, fine- you want to act like I'm nothing but a sex object- great, actually that could be fun in some ways. But don't mess with my emotions and put me down. Make sense?
I might have forgotten some hard limits- there's so many different things out there that it is hard to remember them all. So that is why communication is key- I think I have a right to say at any time "nope- not happening", after all it is MY body. So at this point everything else not listed is open for negotiation and I'm willing to try. How else am I supposed to know if I will enjoy it or not? I've done a few things now that I thought were limits for me in the heat of the moment and actually enjoyed them! So- hard limits- definately no question. Everything else- open to trying once to see if I like it and then decide if it is for me or not.
Well- went over limits, how about things I am really interested in trying or know I like? Bondage, rough play, spanking, hair pulling, dirty talk, rules and tasks, biting, floggers, paddles, some role play- not all the time. I prefer me to be me and you to be you. Blindfolds, sensory play, wax, face slapping (not hard enough to leave a mark or even for me to feel the next day! Just a little playful slap) Not sure if I would call it breath play- just a little pressure, not completely cutting off oxygen.
OK- let me clarify again what I am looking for LOL. Maybe I'm not explaining myself properly. When I say I'm not looking for a LTR- I don't mean I'm just looking to hook up with random people all the time! There has to be trust there- a connection, something! I just mean I don't have to find a "boyfriend"- doesn't have to have that label. It can be a Dom/sub Master/slave dynamic. If it develops into more- great!, if not- fine! but there does have to be trust and respect there. If your going to be tying me up and spanking me, using a flogger- damn straight I better know and trust you! To me D/s is about more than just a physical connection, sex. It goes deeper than that- I think if anything you need to be great friends first. A partner in crime- someone you can confide in, know they are not only looking out for themselves but you as well.
Also- I'm taking this seriously. I am seriously looking for a Dom. So if I am discussing things with you at this point and am opening up to you- I find there is a connection there. I will be honest- at this point I am chatting with two individuals- both great people. I'm not chatting with others and not looking to chat with others right now because as I said I am taking this seriously. I'm not just looking to play games and flirt via IM. I have to say- both great people and there might be a connection there with both. Same kinks, personalities mesh well. So here I go- being open. I don't like to chat with more than one person, I can't read minds, I can only take it so far myself- so if you like me come get me! LOL I'm not good with subtle and I know some don't like you chatting with others at the same time- again I don't get subtle- I'm a ditz. So at this point if you feel a connection and want to see if we get along- the ball is in your court :)
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Bucket List
So I've been thinking again- hell, when do I ever NOT think?! It would be nice not to sometimes :) But that's just how my brain works- on overdrive all the time. Anyways- all this "self discovery" I've been going through recently has made me realize I've just been sitting back and letting life pass me by. There are so many things I want to do in life- but never have! I decided I don't want to live life full of regrets or shoulda, coulda, woulda attitude. At the end of my life I want to look back and think "Wow! I really lived life to the fullest!" I'm only 27 yet for some reason I feel like I'm 60 most of the time. I've let life get to me- I've taken things too seriously- I need to live!
So I started thinking- well there are so many things I want to try- how do I remember all of them? Then- click! Idea! Bucket list! I'm convinced everyone needs one now. But since I'm such a kinky person- half of the things on my list are kinky things I want to try hehe. Also- I'm still adding so who knows how long this list will get. As I think of new things I will come back and add to my list. Most of you will probably look at my list and think "oh geez! I've done that 50 times!" Well- so what if you have- this is my list! There are three reasons some things on my list are just everyday occurences for some. 1)- I'm only 27! 2) I lived a very sheltered life growing up 3) Like I said- I've let life pass me by for the past 27 years- I was too scared to even consider doing 90% of the things I want to- but not anymore! Also- if you don't understand something on my list- I'm not even going to start explaining- I'll just say- yes I'm a very odd person- but if you have not figured that out by now- then you have problems.
Bucket List
1. Spend a day in bed
2. Eat ice cream for dinner
3. Parasail
4. Go wine tasting
5. Go on a cruise
6. Run a marathon
7. Take a pole dancing class
8. Sing bad, drunk karaoke
9. Have a make out session like a teenager again
10. Visit New York and go on a shopping spree and see all the broadyway shows
11. Try burlesque dancing
12. Have a threesome- a real threesome this time!
13. Write an erotic story
14. Go to Eurpoe
15. Get another tattoo- maybe 2
16. Water ski
17. Take a bath in Jell-o or chocolate syrup- actually both :)
18. Start a blog- check!
19. Find someone I'm head over heels in love with and feels the same about me- someday, not talking like tomorrow LOL
20. Spend a whole day at the spa and have the full treatment
21. Wrestle- and I mean truly wrestle!
22. Write a book
23. Go to an audition
24. Streak
25. Ride on a motorcycle
26. Go to Jamaica
27. Go to a nude beach
28. Pay it forward
29. Go to a strip club
30. Laugh so hard I pee my pants- ok so maybe not LOL- laugh so hard my sides ache and I can't stop laughing?
31. Do a strip tease
32. Scuba dive
33. Stay up all night doing god knows what
34. See exactly how many times I can have sex in a 24 hour period
35. Swim with dolphins
36. Beer chugging contest
37. Chubby bunny
38. Find a gay husband
39. Outsmart R- LOL
40. Become comfortable with being nude
41. Color my hair bright pink
42. Visit every baseball stadium in the U.S.
43. Take part in an erotic photoshoot
44. Learn to play golf- while wearing the most ridiculous outfit ever!
45. Start making out in a mattress store and see how far the clerk lets it go
46. Try every position in kama sutra
47. See exactly how long I can go without an orgasm
48. Run around outside singing "The hills are alive with the sound of music.."
49. Rape role play scene
50. Try for one day to be a Domme- LOL even though it would do nothing for me and I would fail miserably
51. Roll around in a big pile of money
52. Embarass my daughter with naked baby pictures- show them to her first serious boyfriend
53. Sleep on 1500 count egyptian cotton sheets
Like I said I will keep adding to my list- especially kinky things hehe. There is so much I want to try but at this point of course- I can't think of any of them!
Psst- R! You will not get the satisfaction of "tap.. tap.. tap"- ok so you probably will but I like to talk crap!
So I started thinking- well there are so many things I want to try- how do I remember all of them? Then- click! Idea! Bucket list! I'm convinced everyone needs one now. But since I'm such a kinky person- half of the things on my list are kinky things I want to try hehe. Also- I'm still adding so who knows how long this list will get. As I think of new things I will come back and add to my list. Most of you will probably look at my list and think "oh geez! I've done that 50 times!" Well- so what if you have- this is my list! There are three reasons some things on my list are just everyday occurences for some. 1)- I'm only 27! 2) I lived a very sheltered life growing up 3) Like I said- I've let life pass me by for the past 27 years- I was too scared to even consider doing 90% of the things I want to- but not anymore! Also- if you don't understand something on my list- I'm not even going to start explaining- I'll just say- yes I'm a very odd person- but if you have not figured that out by now- then you have problems.
Bucket List
1. Spend a day in bed
2. Eat ice cream for dinner
3. Parasail
4. Go wine tasting
5. Go on a cruise
6. Run a marathon
7. Take a pole dancing class
8. Sing bad, drunk karaoke
9. Have a make out session like a teenager again
10. Visit New York and go on a shopping spree and see all the broadyway shows
11. Try burlesque dancing
12. Have a threesome- a real threesome this time!
13. Write an erotic story
14. Go to Eurpoe
15. Get another tattoo- maybe 2
16. Water ski
17. Take a bath in Jell-o or chocolate syrup- actually both :)
18. Start a blog- check!
19. Find someone I'm head over heels in love with and feels the same about me- someday, not talking like tomorrow LOL
20. Spend a whole day at the spa and have the full treatment
21. Wrestle- and I mean truly wrestle!
22. Write a book
23. Go to an audition
24. Streak
25. Ride on a motorcycle
26. Go to Jamaica
27. Go to a nude beach
28. Pay it forward
29. Go to a strip club
30. Laugh so hard I pee my pants- ok so maybe not LOL- laugh so hard my sides ache and I can't stop laughing?
31. Do a strip tease
32. Scuba dive
33. Stay up all night doing god knows what
34. See exactly how many times I can have sex in a 24 hour period
35. Swim with dolphins
36. Beer chugging contest
37. Chubby bunny
38. Find a gay husband
39. Outsmart R- LOL
40. Become comfortable with being nude
41. Color my hair bright pink
42. Visit every baseball stadium in the U.S.
43. Take part in an erotic photoshoot
44. Learn to play golf- while wearing the most ridiculous outfit ever!
45. Start making out in a mattress store and see how far the clerk lets it go
46. Try every position in kama sutra
47. See exactly how long I can go without an orgasm
48. Run around outside singing "The hills are alive with the sound of music.."
49. Rape role play scene
50. Try for one day to be a Domme- LOL even though it would do nothing for me and I would fail miserably
51. Roll around in a big pile of money
52. Embarass my daughter with naked baby pictures- show them to her first serious boyfriend
53. Sleep on 1500 count egyptian cotton sheets
Like I said I will keep adding to my list- especially kinky things hehe. There is so much I want to try but at this point of course- I can't think of any of them!
Psst- R! You will not get the satisfaction of "tap.. tap.. tap"- ok so you probably will but I like to talk crap!
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