Well at this time I am exploring the possibility of becoming one's sub. I feel very honored and privileged to even be under consideration to be owned. I would be overjoyed to be owned- the thought of one thinking I please enough to be owned- that would make me very happy. So with the possibility of being owned in my near future- well who knows- no reason to rush into anything. With the possibility of being owned in my future- I have been doing a lot of thinking and surprisingly I am more at peace. I think just based on my personality- I like the dynamic of someone having control over certain aspects in my life. Not to say I want someone to control EVERY aspect of my life. Come on! First- not possible, second- so not my thing! I'm a sub- I'm not looking for someone to make every decision for me- just certain aspects. So knowing I might have that control aspect in my life soon and feeling comfortable and pleased with it solidifies in my mind- my need for submission.
I spent months going back and forth thinking- "are you really THAT submissive? Are you really willing to offer that much trust to someone? Do you really want to have to answer to authority- follow rules, complete tasks?" But when I'm told to do something or a rule is enforced I fall into it so easily- it's like second nature to me. It fits like a glove- I'm actually happy following rules no matter how ridiculous and completing tasks knowing when I do it pleases the other person.
Sometimes just for a rule to be enforced I'll push the limit and be fiesty just so authority is used. But I will admit maybe I do it too often at this point and I need to figure out when it is ok to be playful and when I truly should follow directions- no questions asked. Yes- I do need boundaries set and I'm comfortable and again feel at peace when I have set boundaries and rules. Just as there are women who love to be in control and do what they please there are women who live to please others. I am one who lives to please- that is me and I'm not going to change. Before I thought it a sign of weakness- willing to do whatever I can to please another- but now I don't view it that way at all. I am who I am- everyone is different. How can I view submission as a weakness when I feel so comfortable doing it? I feel out of place and totally out of control when I am left to make all decisions for myself. If anything I think it takes more strength to give up some form of control to another- to trust another that much, willing to do whatever it takes to please another.
Is it odd to say I feel more empowered when I follow another's rules willingly? It's an unusual concept to grasp- but that explains exactly how I feel. I'm comfortable, I'm myself, I hold my head higher, I'm more sure of myself- who I am when I give over some of the power of decision making to another. So I look forward to possibly having the opportunity to be chosen to be owned. This is me and everyday- with every rule that is set, every task completed, everytime I say "Sir"- the peace I feel in that moment tells me I'm where I need to be in my life finally and that I have found and accepted ME.
