(FYI: I mean this in a vey loving and joking manner. I am not a man hater in any way and if you don't know me very well by now- I'm very sarcastic)
Oh, what a curse! Yes, all my life I have heard these words- "you're the marrying type." What? Is that supposed to be a compliment or a put down? "No- you just are the type that has serious relationships. You're not the slutty type." Um- what if I want to be a slut? hehe I hate to break it to you all but there is one thing I am a true pessimist about and that my friends is marriage, happily ever afters, true caring gentlemen. I admit it! Due to my experiences in life- I can honestly say I despise the thought of ever getting married again! Oh and happily ever afters- don't exist! This is not a damn fairytale people- it's real life! Why do I hate the thought of marriage so much? Well for one from my experience it totally changes the dynamic between the two individuals. Why not just go get fixed instead of put a ring on your finger and commit your life to another? They both have the same effect- you immediately lose your sex drive. It's magic! You could have been the most touchy feely, lovey dovey- can't keep your hands off one another for a second, ripping clothes off type of couple. The minute that ring goes on your finger- it's gone forever! Instead you wake up the night after the wedding, turn over in bed and look at your "husband" (God- hate that word now!) and all you can think is "I have to wake up to that mug everyday for the next 50+ years! I will only have vanilla ice cream now for the rest of my life. What the hell did I just get myself into?!"
It's a phenomenon- both of your bellies grow to three times their original size. But there is one difference- in my case mine disappeared after 9 months, his stayed! The things you once thought were hot and a huge turn on just annoy the shit out of you. Like- my ex would come home before we were married and kick his shoes off and start yanking off clothes- they'd be strewn about, but I didn't care because I knew it was on the minute he walked in the door! After the honeymoon he tried that and I said "WTF! What you think this house is your personal laundry basket? Pick that up before you even consider looking at me. Oh and do the damn dishes first." Giving head becomes a punishment! For God sake's I love giving head! But it turned into a horrible thing I wanted to get out of any way I could. I'd think "God, he needs to mow the lawn- but I'm gonna have to give him head for him to even consider getting up off his lazy ass to do it. Meh- it can go for another week." It's like all the passion is sucked out of both of you. Not a good experience at all in my situation. Why fix what isn't broken? Why do I want to ruin another passionate connection if I ever find one? Hate to break it to you but- I'm staying single forever!
Here I am on my soapbox again- screw you society for making me feel like an outcast because I want to stay single for the rest of my life. You make me believe that since I am going to be single for the rest of my life I'll end up an old lady with 50 cats and I'll die alone in my house and no one will find me until the neighbors can't handle the stench coming from my house anymore and they break into my house and find my corpse half eaten by my cats! (Sorry- too explanatory for you all? Well deal!) I don't NEED a man to support me. I can take care of myself- I have been for quite a while now. I don't NEED a man around, but I WANT a man around- big difference. But I don't want a man around just to support me or be my rock! I may sound like a total guy or just a bitter woman but- right now men are good for two things- sex and projects around the house. Oh and opening lids that are on too tight. I can take care of everything else myself. So I guess you could say- I'd be happy with never getting married again.
I'm not saying I never want to be in any committed relationship ever again. Just that it doesn't have to be legally binding. Why should it be? I think it ruins the spice! Neither party tries anymore- they think eh, there stuck with me anyways. I mean yes it is possible that maybe, just maybe I find the kinky knight of my dreams and we ride off into the sunset on a black stallion, naked and hands bound- but what are the chances of that? (I don't believe in fairytales, not even kinky ones) but if I were to win the kinky lottery and find that one in a million kinkster- then great! But I'm not holding my breath. So I think it is safe to say I think it is an insult to be considered the marrying type, cause "wife's" seem to turn into sticks in the mud- I speak from experience! I know I sure did! So you trying to tell me I'm lame and boring?! Does a boring woman have a threesome? Does a boring woman have a one night stand(ok a few)? Does a boring woman have a fuck buddy turn out to be the best "relationship" she ever had cause there were no complications with emotions and shit like that? Does a boring woman want to be spanked and humiliated, tied down? Does a boring woman want another flogging from Mistress Trinity? If so- I guess I am boring- and the marrying type.
I may be a "good girl" in the sense that I want to please- but that doesn't make me a good girl. I may be obedient but that sure as hell doesn't mean I'm a born again virgin- kneeling down in church praying for the Lord to forgive me for all my naughty, dirty, kinky thoughts and acts. Oh no- I relish in them. Give me kink- I want to bathe in it, eat it, drink it, be it! That's right people- no matter how prim and proper I may appear to be in my day to day life- you have no idea how kinky this woman is behind closed doors. So no- I'm not the "marrying type".
When it comes to men- I have finally realized what mistake I was making. Like most women I tend to go for the bad boys- the assholes! Until recently I confused cockiness with confidence. Cockiness is completely different- they are the type that are only into themselves, what they want. They are out to prove to everyone else that they are all that. They want to be noticed so they act out to get attention. Confident men not only care about themselves- they care for their partner as well. They don't try to be noticed- they just ARE noticed. Generally people are drawn to them due to the confidence they emit, they are comfortable in their own skin. After 27 years I finally figured out the difference- now to find it! I've found pretty much nothing but cocky little boys. I want to find a confident man. I want to find a man that appears as proper as I do in public- we appear to be the perfect little yuppie couple. But one that is all out kinky behind closed doors.
I love the mental aspects of D/s so I like a man that always shows self control- is even tempered, patient. More gentle control than actually physically "making" me do something. I want one that just exuberates dominance- who can make me want to submit with just a look or a touch- not because I'm scared of being punished but because I know I'll end up doing what he wants because he is the one who is ultimately in control and I want to please him any way I can. I love the idea of going out in public and no one knowing you are being controlled by just a look or a touch to your neck, wrist, back- even whispered words. It's like a dirty little secret only the two of you know about- that is what I love most about D/s- the subtle ways of dominance. I think that shows you have a lot more control if you can get someone to submit with just a look instead of forcing them with a punishment. So is there such a man out there? Is there a man that is into the subtle mental aspects of D/s as much as I am? I'm sure there is, but I have yet to find him. So until I find my perfect kinky knight in leather armor- why not enjoy the other confident kinky boys out there? Just be confident- not cocky and we will get along great!
