Now that I have someone I trust to explore things with and that I have fully admitted that I am one kinky girl- the fun can truly begin! One thing I've found is that in the lifestyle your kinks, desires are always fluctuating/evolving. For one- there are so many different kinks out there that it seems you could explore forever and two- since I'm new I'm not sure what I'll like and dislike- so I say let's try em all! Well of course I have hard limits but I'm not going to shy away from something new- I want to explore. Honestly the things that I truly thought I had no interest in when I first entered the scene are actually some of my favorite things now- I enjoy more pain than I thought I would, breathe play, begging, biting, actually being called a slut or fuck toy (that one took a little getting used to- and I don't just let anyone call me a slut! If you did you would probably get bitch slapped or a swift kick to the family jewels! I may be submissive but I only submit to who I want)
Since there are so many different fetishes out there it only makes sense that you would find more and more things you wanted to try. So I thought about five that have really caught my interest lately, that I think could be fun. Some I've thought about for some time but was just embarrassed to mention- others are new interests. First one that has honestly been on my mind for quite a while is collar/leash lead. The first time I heard about this my immediate reaction was "oh hell no! I ain't no animal! I will kill you before you even think about getting close enough to put a damn collar around my neck! Let alone have a leash attached to it!" But then when I actually saw someone wearing one in person for the first time I thought "now that is fucking hot!" But it's something I never mention to my partners because there are so many different views on a collar. Some view it as binding as marriage vows, some view it as a symbol of ownership, some use it as a training tool, some use it for play purposes in the bedroom only, some use it for play purposes at events- or both bedroom and events. So I never mention it because I could be talking to someone that views a collar as ownership and I just mean for play purposes and they may freak and say "oh hell no! You want to be owned by me?! No not happening- get the hell out!" So I never mention that because there are as many views on a collar as there are colors in this world. We may have totally different views on collars and it creates a non existent issue so I just avoid that conversation. Personally- I see collars as ok for everything I listed. I don't think they are only for ownership; I think they are what the two agree on. Honestly I'm really, really interested in trying it- so of course I see them as being ok for play purposes- how else will I know if it's for me unless I try it first!
Another interest- I've thought about it before but not much. Lately I have been thinking more about it. I might- just for shits and giggles because I honestly know I would probably do a horrid job- I want to try my hand at domination. Just once- to be in the opposite role. Not only would it be fun- I would get a sense of what it takes to be a Dom and what it is like from that perspective. I think it would give me a better understanding of the dynamic. Also I think because from time to time even in a scene I get the urge to just fight back and instead of Kinky pinning me down I want to fight and pin him down and say "now who's in charge my kinky little boy?" But I'm the sub so I hold in that feistiness as well as I can. Maybe that's why I am so bratty most of the time. Hmmm- interesting. Not that I would want the control- no I'm a sub to the core; but from time to time I think it is fun to rough house and fight back. I like to be as rough as others are with me- think of it as angry sex! Yeah- it can be fun. So I'd like to fight but ultimately it would end with me submitting. But it would be fun just once to be the one in control and make Kinky crazy with need by teasing and with words like he makes me. Am I capable of it? Got me! I know deep down I may have a Domme side- it's just a question of whether or not I end up looking like a total fool in the process?
Another new interest- obedience training. As I said I am a sub pure and simple- so of course I want to be shaped into the perfect little sub I can be for my partner. I want to please with every action, every word. I want to be a walking, talking tool of pleasure. At times in a scene I feel like an untamed animal that needs to be reeled in. Smack me and say "pay attention!"- goldfish brain always getting in the way. Oooh- something shiny! Oh- sorry I forgot I was supposed to be submitting! I can't make decisions because the whole time I'm thinking- "well, what do YOU want me to do because this is about pleasing YOU, not me! How do I know how to please you at that moment unless you give me some hint, some insight on what would please you most at the moment?" Needs and wants change- so if I were to say hug and kiss you but in the back of your mind you really want me to suck your cock- I'm not doing what pleases you most in that moment! I can't read minds! Kinky always says explore and figure out what I like. Well I have but that still doesn't tell me at that particular moment what you want most! It's not that I don't have a brain or can't think for myself- it's that I want to do everything in my power, every moment for it to be the best experience it can be every time. I don't want my partner to leave being unfufilled- I want to please as much as I can.
Of course- due to my stubborn nature- if I were given command after command I would probably fight tooth and nail at first and not give in; but I would ultimately give in- but isn't that part of the fun? ;) I may be strong willed but it's not because I don't want to please- believe me I do! I live to please- but I view my stubborness as a way to test just how dominate you are. Since I'm so strong willed in my everyday life I want to know you are even more stong willed than I am because you have to be in order to be in a dominating position with me. See I like VERY dominate men. If you're going to dominate me- really dominate me! Put me in my place- show me who's in charge! Whatever way you see fit in putting me in my place- do it. Train me to be your perfect little slut. Teach me exactly what it is that pleases you. Because every Dom/Master is different- so shape me to your liking. Another thing I freaked about before was addressing someone as Sir- I thought "this is not the 19th century! I will not give someone a title!" But God! Now when I play and I answer yes or no questions I've been thinking "yes just doesn't do it justice. It shows I'm listening, but it doesn't show I'm submitting to his will." It just seems a "yes Sir" would be more fitting. Reaffirming I am giving him control. Just as if I were trained to act according to how he wants me to- it affirms I am the sub and want to please.
One thing that I have been interested in ever since I can remember- actually the one thing that drew me to BDSM is bondage. I'm not talking light bondage you can slip out of if you really want to- silk scarf so it doesn't hurt my poor little wrists or ankles- I've done that and it just doesn't cut it. I'm talking tie me up, down, whichever way you want so I have no way of getting away and I'm completely at your mercy. God- that's a big turn on! I love being pinned down so it's only fitting I would want to be tied up, bound so all physical control is taken away. See if you are pinned down it's more a mental thing- which I enjoy just as much- you have me pinned but it's still my choice to just let you pin me and not try and fight you to get out- but rope, chain etc. that bit of control is taken away and you are completely at the others mercy. HOTNESS!!!! Total domination! Fucking Hot!!! Oh, did I mention I like rope? Or that I like to be dominated like you would not believe? Yeah- I totally do! I better move on to something else because just the thought of bondage is getting to me!
Another thing that interests me is orgasm control. For one- the control aspect again and two- I honestly don't know if I believe this shit or not! I would have to experience it myself in order to believe it. I do enjoy orgasm denial as well- but I'm speaking of orgasm control now. People have said "Oh, I had this girl trained to where I just said a word and no matter where we were, waht we were doing it would make her orgasm. We could be eating dinner and I could say the word and she'd orgasm immediately." Ok- I call shenanigans! I mean alright- it might be possible, not saying it's completely immpossible but prove it! Wouldn't that be awesome?! If you could just whisper lets say "flower" in the middle of grocery shopping and all of a sudden your hanging onto the cart for dear life while trying to regain composure and not let anyone know you just orgasmed from the word flower? "oh God! Not again!" hehe The few I've talked to that have stated such things say it takes months to train a person to and also a lot of commitment for both parties- say it could even take over a year to be able to. But honestly I think that would be awesome and totally hilarious at the same time to orgasm from just a word!
The next one I am interested in is again for the control factor. I know I've said before that I don't like begging but the more I think about it- it could actually be fun. Just the few times that I've had to ask Kinky permission to do something- and I had to ask nicely and say please- just that was a turn on! So to actually have to beg for something might be exciting! The stubborn part of me may fight and think "like hell you're getting me to beg!" But when I actually have to say please and ask permission for things it excites the hell out of me!
Oh- I forgot one more! As I said before I like to rough house every once in a while. Ever since I saw Mistress Trinity at Citadel- I didn't realize how much I like the struggle and rough play. The second I saw her yelling at her sub and flogging the shit out of his back- and then he got up and fought back- she came at him harder! Ooooooh! I was speechless! Mmmmm! I thought "what I wouldn't give to be on the receiving end of that!" My God! For some reason play like that just excites me. I'm sure my eyes were the size of saucers and my jaw hit the floor. The tension, the excitement between the two of them- you could just feel it in the room. Not saying I want every play session to be rough and tense- but oh boy- would it be fun to do that every once in a while. Lucky me I did get a little taste of Mistress Trinity and her flogger and paddle. I can honestly say that is the first time I thought " I don't give a damn if she is male or female- I just know I want her!!!! She can do whatever the hell she pleases to me and I would willingly let her because she is fucking hot!!!" So yes- I don't mind to be dominated by a woman- but if I am- it has to be one strong willed hard core bitch and a fucking hot one at that for me to submit to a Domme.
So lets really begin this journey shall we?! Kinks- yeah, trying to figure out some cutesy new nickname and it's totally not working :) Kinky- you say we can take it as slow as I want- well, considering I trust you completely now- I'd say bring it!!! I know as a Dom people worry about pushing the sub too far- too much out of their comfort zone. Honestly- when it comes to play- it would take a whole lot to push me out of my comfort zone- and if I am, that's why I have a safe word! No biggy! I'm not going to let one thing upset me and fly off the handle- I trust you and I know you would never intentionally hurt me mentally or physically. Yes I have hard limits- but at the moment everything else is open for exploration! So play! Play hard! You had said before that when it comes to play and I am with you or none of my other partners- if and when I do have others- are not present that I am yours. Alrighty! Let's get this party started! I am perfectly fine with that- I actually love that! So yes- when I am with you during play- I am yours. I give over full control to you- so do with me as you please. I am here to serve and be the good little girl you want me to be ;) But of course- I may give you some trouble from time to time- but you already know that. Just as you said- we started this journey together- and I would also consider you a primary - so any time I play with someone else I would definately take your feelings into consideration just as you do mine. I am very picky when it comes to who I am willing to play with- I learned my lesson!! So I may not play with others a lot. At the moment- no one tickles my fancy- well actually we know about the boy crush- but other than that hehe. But I will always think of our dynamic first and how it would effect our connection because I'm having too much fun at the moment and I do care about your feelings just as you care about mine.
