Did I just win the kinky lottery or what?! My God!!!! I am insanely happy right now and I honestly can't say why. I am actually very confused because I've been told by society and due to my upbringing to feel a certain way about things- but I feel the total opposite! I'm just having a hard time wrapping my brain around these new emotions. I am still trying to tell myself it is ok to be alright with these things! It's ok to like the things I like and I am not alone in my feelings. This world is filled with people that feel the same way I do. I don't need to feel alone and like a freak anymore because of these thoughts and feelings. I need to just give in and embrace them so I can finally let go and just be me- completely- without being embarrassed. I'm the only one holding myself back- no one else. I need to stop worrying if my ideas and thoughts are too crazy to mention out loud or try and just do it. I think I am ready to do that finally.
So Kinky told me a little about his play session with his new play partner- I'm not mentioning anything about the session because that is not my story to tell. I'll just say that instead of feeling upset or jealous like most probably would since I can say now I do care for Kinky- I was ecstatic! The more he told me and the more I saw how happy he was- the more excited I got! I was like a kid who saw Santa for the first time- I was in awe! I was like "wait! Let me comfy!" Snuggle all under my covers- turn the TV off- give you my full atttention, get a pen and paper out and take notes- just kidding. "OK- now I'm ready. Spill it!!!!" I just kept thinking how happy Kinky was and I think I was as excited as he ws about everything- and I'm happy Hottie Patottie was able to have so much fun. Told you you were in for a treat ;) The only negative feeling I had was that I wish I could have been there to see all the fun! Also that I want to try some of the things they did- but I know my time will come- this wat Hottie's time! I didn't have any jealousy or spiteful feelings- I was in heaven!
Another reason I'm so happy is I love the fact that the communication is so open between us all! Instead of feeling like an outsider or that I'm forgotten about I feel like we are all in this together and in it for the same reason- fun! Yes I know that we each have our own connection with Kinky but it's hard to explain- I feel connected to Hottie just by hearing about her experiences and we have a common bond now- Kinky. Plus I'm pretty sure we are all pretty new to the scene if I remember correctly. Too much? Oh well! That's how I feel. I love to hear about their experiences and I'm glad Hottie is interested in our experiences. Also- this is so fucking hot- Hottie wants to watch Kinky and I play! Mmmmmm! She said she'll even take pictures. At first I thought- oh no way in hell!!!! No one is taking pictures of my big white ass! Sorry- insecurities, trying to work on them. But if people seem to think my ass is not that bad maybe I need to start listening and have a little more confidence- so bring it! I'd love to see since I don't get to watch when I'm in a scene- take pics!!! Hell- I'd even like to watch Kinky and Hottie play sometime too :) Oh and yes Hottie- from what I've seen so far you are sexy hehe. Which says a lot because I don't often come out and say when I find a woman attractive and also because I'm pretty picky when it comes to women. Of course- men totally do it for me- but it's not often that I find a woman attractive. So yeah- I'll admit when a woman is hot.
Did I just go off the deep end?! Who is this woman that has taken over my mind?! My God!!! No- this is just me and I'm finally admitting and accepting my kinky side! So- yipee, yipee, yipee! I'm so excited to continue on this journey and not only try new things but delve deeper and find out more about my true self.
