I want to thank one of my reader's for this great idea for a post. Kisses!!! He is one that has been following my blog since I started- thank you, thank you, thank you! I am glad there are people out there still interested in my story. Also let me put it out there now that I have more followers- if you have any questions or ideas for posts- please e-mail me! Even if you just have a comment. mariposa8308@yahoo.com I would love my readers to be more involved and I'm honestly am very open, if you haven't noticed :) So I'll answer any questions you have or write about any topic you are curious about. Also- I know there are a LOT more readers out there than followers listed- but it would be very, very nice to have a better idea of how many actually read. Was that pathetic enough? No? Ok, what if I beg? Please, please, please will you become a follower for me? I'm not even asking you to comment or anything- just create a little screen name and add yourself to my followers. Please? I bare my soul to you people here! Can you help by showing your support? Sniff, sniff. Please? For me? Did that work? Ok- fine! Little incentive for you kinky bastards out there- if I get enough followers, I'll post pics on my blog. Yes, kinky pics ;) How about that? Does that do the trick?
So- my lovely, faithful reader asked me if there were any lifestyle rules I follow. Well, yes I do. There's no handbook for BDSM- so there is nowhere to go that says do this, not that. Sub's follow these rules, Dom's follow these rules. So I think rules vary from person to person, relationship to relationship, play session to play session. I do have a set of rules I do follow myself in general- mostly for my safety, peace of mind and to keep myself happy. If you would have asked me a few months ago I probably would have quite a few different rules. But now that I have decided polyamory works best for me- that changes a lot of rules. Plus right now- I'm going where life takes me. No expectations- just going with the flow.
Many have asked me what my relationship is with Kinky. Well- I'm not worrying about putting a label on things. I'm just letting life lead me where it wants to. Do we play together? Yes. Do we have feelings for each other? Yes. Do we take each others feelings into consideration? Yes. What is that? I don't know- it is what it is and I don't think I have to put a label on it just because everyone wants me to. We are separate individuals that love to spend time together whether it be to hang out or to play and we both have separate lives and we are free to come and go and be with whoever we please. But again- I think I speak for both of us when I say we take each others feelings into consideration if we were to play with another. That's the only way I can explain it. We started this journey together- both new to BDSM so I think we both feel more of a connection because of that. I have no expectations- things are the way they are and I am enjoying myself. If we had to label what we are than that is betweeen me and Kinky and no one else. So there you go- you happy? :) That's the only answer your going to get. hehe
So the rules that I follow in the lifestyle depend a lot on the situation I am in at the moment. Plus I think the longer I am the lifestyle the more I will learn so the more rules I will come up with. So the rules I follow right now mostly deal with polyamory because that is a big part of my connection at the moment. So, Mariposa's rules for the lifestyle:
1. Most important- honesty and communication. I think these are both important in any relationship, but especially when it comes to BDSM and also more so with polyamory. With polyamory- everyone should be aware of all the partner's involved. I would think if you are in a poly relationship with someone you would have no problem with telling them anything because you wouldn't want to hurt them by hiding things. You can still cheat in a poly relationhsip- being with another is not cheating, but once you hide intent- that is when it is considered chaeting. At least in my book. So in any poly relationship I think honesty and communication are key. Everyone needs to be open because with every new partner introduced into people's lives- there comes a different dynamic. Everyone is effected in some way when another is brought into the mix- so everyone needs to be on the same page so it doesn't create problems later on down the road. With BDSM- you have to communicate with your partner not only because of the trust issue but for your own safety. Some things in BDSM can be harmful to you not only physically but mentally as well. So honesty and communication are just as important so everyone stays happy and safe.
2. Considering I have a connection with Kinky now and we are play partners and we have open communication- I would always talk to him first if I decided to play with another for a few different reasons: 1. Just as he cares about my feelings- I care about his feelings. I don't want to do anything that will hurt him. 2. So far he knows a lot more people in the lifestyle than I do so he knows a little more about others that could be possible play partners- so I would take his advice on who would be a good play partner and who would not. Plus- if I bring another in the mix I want everyone to get along! I don't want any drama in my life- I have enough of that already! The only thing I will say about our connection is- in a sense of a poly relationship- I would consider Kinky my primary. We get along and he is local and we started this journey together so he has a special place in my heart.
3. I do what makes me happy and follow my gut. If it feels ok- I go for it, if not I immediately turn the other way. I've learned my lesson on trusting my gut.
4. I never got to events involved in the lifestyle alone. As a woman and a sub at that- you can never be too careful. Plus I'm a really caring sweet person so in a situation like that I tend to be a pushover and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So- I need a little extra protection hehe. I either go with R or now Kinky. I pretty much fall into the role as a sub whenever I am around others in the lifestyle. So I pretty much expect R or Kinky to be my protection- which they both do automatically, I don't even have to mention it. Guess they just automatically fall into the Dom role just as I do the sub role. Which I have to say I'm very happy about. I'm a sub! I like others to have control no matter the situation! Like I said- naturally submissive.
5. I never play on the first meeting- again, learned my lesson on that one. If I'm going to play with someone I have to get along with them and be friends- not just looking for a quick hookup. That's not what BDSM is to me. If I was I'd go to a club or a bar and pick up a guy! I'm a woman- sex is always available- I'm not just looking to get laid.
6. When I am with Kinky- I am his, I'm his sub. In a scene and events where no other partners are present- I am his. I follow his rules- do as he says. So say like last time at BaGG- if he wants his friends to spank me- that is his choice because I am his to do with as he pleases.
7. I am an indepentant person. I have a life outside of BDSM- I have a job, a family. So I cannot be a sub 24/7. I have responsibilities and want to keep it that way. Not saying I'm against living a 24/7 lifestyle- but my life at the moment will not allow that kind of arrangement. Plus- I don't want to hand over every single decision to someone else- I'm not a slave, I'm a sub. I will go where life takes me- I'm open to 24/7 but it would depend on my situation and my connection with the person.
8. Playtime is playtime! Anything is open! I am a sub and I know my place. But once playtime is over- you best treat me with respect! None of that name calling when I'm just walking down the street! Yes you can call me a slut, dirty girl, whore as much as you want when we are playing- but the minute play is over- on ho! You treat me with respect.
9. Polyamory means- many LOVES. Not fuck anyone you think is hot in the moment. Love means there has to be some form of connection there. Either friendship or trust based relationship or a romantic connection. So no- being poly doesn't mean I'm a slut that will hook up with anyone. It means I am open to the possibility of forming a caring relationship with more than one at a time and am open to my partners having the same. Plus- me being the hippie that I am, according to Kinky :), I would hope we all get along like one big happy family because we are all in it together and some connection if we are all playing with one another. Free love! Spread the love! Everyone needs a little love in this world, right? Coexist! Peace! Yeah, yeah- I'm a hippe, I admit it! Also- if you get along with everyone that leaves the door open for threesomes or other things. Hey- it could be fun. I'm kinky that way.
10. Which brings me to a very important rule- multiple partners- safe sex, safe sex, safe sex!!!! I am clean and best stay that way or I will kick some ass!!! We're responsible adults here people- think. Oh and also- I am not looking to have any babies either! So yeah- think!
Do I have any rules that Kinky has given me to follow? Well- the only one I can think of is that I have to always dress in a nice manner for him. You know- no sweats and my hair all a mess etc. But I don't do that anyways- so don't have to worry about that ever happening! I'm too vain for that. Other than that- I can't think of any that he has given me. Except that of course I am his sub when I am with him. That's a given. I'm sure I will come up with more rules as time goes one- but for now that is all I have.
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