Either I am drawn to the crazies or the crazies are drawn to me. I can't figure out which. I have never had a conversation with someone where I was so baffled by statements they made- I'm still baffled after 24 hours. I am amazed at how this persons brain works- I don't understand it. But to each his own, his choice, his loss actually.
Well I exchanged a few messages with an individual this weekend. His pictures were amazing, (hot as hell, totally my type) he was into the arts just like me, seemed like a great individual. I wasn't going to chat with others because as I said I'm taking a little break from searching for the world's perfect Dom. But he seemed to want the same exact things as me and we seemed to have so much in common I figured- I can't pass up talking to this person. So after a few messages back and forth on the site we chatted on IM. Thank God he got right to it or I would have wasted my time. But what I don't get is- why go through the motions of adding me to IM and everything if all your going to do is tell me what does not interest you about me? You couldn't have told me this through a message on the site?
Anyways- this is where it starts to get weird! After introductions, exchanging pictures- seemed great! He said I was a fox- thank you, thank you :) Then I felt like I entered the twilight zone. He said something to the effect of "how do I put this? You now how right after a man has an orgasm... he no longer has any interest in sex?" Um- I don't even know what the hell that is supposed to mean! Not from my experience- men always seem to want more, can never get enough! But whatever- I'll indulge you- I want to see where the hell this is going. I replied "ok?" He replied with "well that is how I feel after I find out someone I am attracted to has given birth." Huh? Ok- so you don't like kids- I get it, I know a lot of men that don't want to get involved with someone who has a child- that's why I'm open from the beginning and don't hide the fact that I have a child. I told him that's fine and I totally understood. Then he turned down looney lane! He went on to say "I said I don't get involved with women that have given birth. So that includes women that have given birth yet put their child up for adoption. I can't be invloved with someone who has given birth. But I would be fine with going along with things as long as you know it could not turn into a long term relationship." Ok- buddy, let me get this straight; you are not "attracted" to someone who has "produced fruit from their womb" but your willing to just fuck a person that has a child- even though you have no attraction to women who have given birth? Sure- sign me up! Um- no! What?! Yeah- perfect pick up line dude. That has me weak in the knees for you to just take me.
Don't get me wrong- I'm fine with no strings attached sex at times- it can actually be fun! I don't have a problem with him not liking children and I have no problem with him being honest about him wanting a quick hook up. What I have a problem with is due to the fact that I have given birth- he immediately did not want to take the time to get to know me. But whatever- his loss, I was fine with that. But then from looney lane he took a sharp turn onto psycho place. I get another IM after we went our separate ways- "one more thing. I'll e-mail it to you." Here is the little e-mail I received.
Just my opinion, and I can't really speak from experience so take all this with a grain of salt, but I can only imagine that most of your relationships with Doms or other men, are going to be largely influenced by the knowledge that you have a child.
Folks less reputable than myself, upon discovering you have a child, may disregard you as an individual, convincing themselves that since you have "baggage" (and I detest the term) that somehow it is morally ok to treat you less than respectfully, or with deceitful intent.
It is not my place to tell you how to live your life but I can only imagine that were I in a similar situation, I would restrict my search only to those individuals that either have children currently, or have had them in the past, because they will be most understanding and sympathetic to your situation.
On the other hand, if you are ok with a physical experience without the context of a long-term possibility (and it seems that under certain circumstances, this is acceptible to you), then I would be sure to temper my expectations accordingly.
Please excuse me if any of this comes across as condescending or thoughtless, it is not my intention and my words are sincere.
This e-mail sounds to me like he is trying to justify to himself his lack of tolerance for women with children. Oh, no excuse me, not if they have children- if they have given birth! It is fine if you have an issue with it buddy- but don't try to push it off on others as their issue. Admit to yourself first that it is you that has the problem. You are actually THE only person I have talked to that had an issue with me having a child. Plus, how dare you tell me how to approach my life and put me in a category just because I have a child. What- you want me to hide myself away as if I have some horrible disease because I should be ashamed by the fact that my womb has carried a child? I should only socialize with my own kind? This is not 1810- it's 2010! Like hell I'm standing for someone putting me down and placing me below others based on one factor in my life! Just because I have helped produce a life- that does not define who I am. Just as BDSM does not define who I am. If you are so close minded that you can't see the other aspects of someone- you so need to take a look at yourself and do some soul searching- honestly. You're just hurting yourself- your limiting your opportunities in life due to your single mindedness.
Maybe I'm the one that is odd in my thinking- but I don't judge one on their walk in life, the way they look, their status. I judge people on their personality and nothing else. You never know what's truly inside someone until you get to know them as a person. That homeless man you saw yesterday walking down the street could have been a CEO of a company a year ago- but due to unfortunate events in his life he is now homeless, has nowhere to turn. I know that probably is not the case- but you never know. Don't judge a book by it's cover, ever! Some of the greatest people I know are judged based on their looks or their lifestyle choice- those that judge are the ones missing out on getting to know and have their lives touched and more fufilled by these beautiful individuals. So it is not the judged that miss opportunities- it is the close minded individuals that cannot see past stereotypes and misconceptions that truly are not living life to the fullest.
Also- I want to say I am very sad that someone thinks so poorly of someone that has given birth. Until you have been in that moment- you can't even fathom the feeling of peace, empowerment! To know you are carrying a life inside of you and their survival depends on you alone. To feel every little kick and movement- knowing it is your own flesh and blood. That moment when you hear their first little cry and you look into their eyes- you can't understand how something so perfect could even exist in the world. That moment- the first time you hold that little life in your arms- you feel all is right in the world. There is no feeling that can come close to that- nothing. As they grow and you see each smile, each new word that is spoken, first steps taken, forming of sentences, accomplishing tasks- all those moments- nothing compares. When you've had a horrible day, temper tantrum after temper tantrum, screaming, hitting, crying- one little embrace and hearing the words "love you Mama" washes all of that away- you feel the deepest most intense love for another you will ever feel.
How can you call something so precious "baggage"? It's not baggage- it is the greatest gift in the world and I'm sorry you view something so wonderful as baggage. Again- if you never get a chance to feel a love and peace like that in your life- you are the one missing out. No- I will not apologize or be brought down by the fact that I have given birth. I am joyful and take pride in that fact! It is one of the best things to ever happen to me. I have never felt so womanly and empowered than when I was pregnant and when I held my baby girl in my arms for the first time, nursed her- that moment- perfection. That is what a woman was made for and I will never apologize for that. I will not be made to feel as if I'm diseased for being a woman and taking pride in it. So take that looney tune :)
