I have a secret that I have kept for years. It is something I even had a problem admitting to myself- just like how I am into BDSM. As I said before I grew up in a very conservative, Christina household. I grew up being fed information on what is correct, what is considered "bad". So having the feelings I had made me feel like a horrible, demonic person. So admitting I was into BDSM was hard enough- I mean it's one thing to admit you like kinky, rough sex. A lot of people are into that! That is more acceptable than what else I have been hiding. It is very revealing, it is something a lot frown upon- even in the BDSM community. Ok- not frown upon but it is something that a lot of people can't wrap their mind around.
My big secret- the one I've never told anyone- I want to live a poly lifestyle. Yes people! I'm finally letting my freak flag fly high and proud! I'm a very open person- always have been. I accept everyone for who they are. I don't judge- we are all different. That's what makes this world such a beautiful place! So be who you are and don't apologize for it. No one is "different" or should be considered an outcast. Not one person is exactly the same on this planet- so we are ALL different! So why judge and push your beliefs on someone else? If we were all supposed to be the same and think and feel the same- we would have been made that way.
I was first exposed to polyamory when I was a teen. Immediately when I heard about it I thought "that is the most wonderful thing ever!" But I felt guilty for feeling that way. I was raised in church- you read and follow the Bible! You do not under any circumstances have pre marital sex, if you do that is considered adultry because you are only to be with one person and love only one person for your entire life! Well- considering I have had numerous sexual partners already and I have been divorced- I'm already damned to hell according to the Church. Whatever! I'm done feeling guilty about my choices and what makes me happy in life. I've been living my life according to others beliefs- faith. All it has done is make me feel like a disgrace. Well- I'm done! I'm the happiest I have ever been in my life right now. How can something be considered so horrible if it makes me this happy? I finally gave in and admitted I like BDSM- and I'm ecstatic! So I'm going to be completely honest with myself, give into these feelings I've held back for years! Screw society- this makes me happy. I'm poly!
Even though I've only been in manogomous relationships in the past- I know I'm poly. I'm not your typical girl that gets upset if you look at another female, find her attractive. That's human nature. Just because I am in a relationship with someone and maybe they have deep feelings for me- it doesn't mean your brain automatically shuts off your ability to have feelings for another. We're not wired to only have deep feelings for one individual. Just as there are numerous shades of green in the world- there are numerous levels of love. You can love someone romantically, or on a friendship level, or the love between a parent and child. It doesn't even have to be love! You can be in love with one individual and be infatuated with another. We are beings made to feel. We have emotions for a reason. Why go against nature and shut off emotions because society says we have to? Why should I feel guilty about say- loving one person and finding another attractive? I shouldn't! But society has made it so manogomy is mainstream. I'm done conforming to society- I'm starting to color outside the lines and I love it. So I'm not stopping. If I want to be poly- so be it.
In a relationship all I ask for is respect and honesty. Even in a poly relationship one can cheat. What makes it cheating? Not being honest, hiding intent. I know the dynamic is different with each poly relationship but I'm going to state what would work for me- how I view a poly relationship for me personally. If I were to have a primary partner- I would just want the person to be completely honest and open. You're interested in someone else? No problem. Just don't let it get in the way of our connection, respect what we have and keep communicating with me. That's all I ask- no secrets. I'm not the jealous type, I don't get hurt as long as you are honest. I don't keep secrets from my partners so I expect they would not keep secrets from me. I don't expect someone to have feelings for me and then completely shut off all emotion to others. We all have emotions- just let them flow. Why hide them or fight them? That just creates problems and makes you unhappy- spiteful of the other person even. Just as men can't help but stare at a beautiful woman as they walk by- I can't help but check out a hot ass guy if I see him! You want to make out with that hot chick? Hell, I'd probably admit I would too! I'm not afraid to admit when a person is attractive no matter what gender. Doesn't mean I would do anything with that person- but I wont get upset for someone thinking another is smokin hot. Go ahead! You want to make out with them, spank em- whatever you want. Do it- just remember the connection you have with me and respect that fact. I respect you as a person- just respect me in return.
Honestly- to have a connection with someone where you are completely honest with someone, no secrets- that is more fufilling and more intimate than any manogomous relationship could ever be. You are completely free to be who you are! What could be more intimate than that?
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