After being in a kid friendly environment for almost a whole week I was about to pull my hair out! Don't get me wrong- I love being a Mom but for God's sake my kinky side can only stay hidden for so long people! I need adult time dammit! Lord! If I have to say "Don't pick your nose!" or "Let's go potty." one more time I'm gonna go postal! I need to talk about cocks and balls and spankings and oral and sex!!!! Sex! Sex! Sex! Mmmmmmmmmmm! Ok- I think I got some of it out of my system.
I just spent a week at Disneyland- the happeist place on earth. For who?! Maybe a 3 year old! But the happiest place on earth for me would involve naked men and women walking around freely and groping! Hell- cuff me to a St. Andrew's Cross and flog the hell out of me- that would be a happy fucking place! But I'd settle for a spanking anyday! Alright! I admit it! I am now a spank junkie. I'm a sex junkie- well nothing new there- we all know I have a sex drive that would make a rabbit look celibate. But spanking and biting and scratching and hair pulling and being pinned down- God! The more I have it the more I want! I'm not only a spankaholic- I'm a D/s aholic in general. Especially after the experience at BaGG- I'm a freakin addict. I'll be completely honest with you all- my whole evening from beginning to end- the drive to BaGG, meeting everyone, the bonding with Kinky, the public spanking and the end of the night- all together the best experience I have had since I started playing. I had so much fun and I enjoyed every minute. I felt so comfortable the whole time and felt more like myself. I want to feel that way everyday! So after an experience like that- which I really consider a turning point in my outlook on D/s in general- I didn't really want to leave town on vacation- I wanted more dammit!
I often wonder if I just think about D/s too much or if others are constantly reminded of it during the day. Sometimes I feel like that's all I ever think of now- but honestly as a sub I guess we just naturally think of it more because we are the ones who's ass is bruised so everytime we sit for the next couple days we are reminded of the experience by the sting- or by the bruises left on my arms and my tender neck from bites aches everytime my shirt brushes against it. Also I have rules to remember each day so I guess it's no wonder my mind is always on D/s. Oh- and considering how many hours I spend a day writing for my blog- yeah, I think about it a lot. I wonder if Dom's are reminded or as mindful of it as subs are daily. Or is it more just when they are in a scene? Of course, in my opinion anyways, subs should always be aware of their "place". To me D/s is more about mental connection and not just a physical thing. Anyone can use a paddle; Anyone can make me have an orgasm (well- I would hope they know how!) But if there is no mental connection there- boring!!!! If I'm not challenged mentally the whole time- I get bored very fast. To me D/s is a mental connection more than anything. Most my age don't view it that way- they just like the sexual part of it- but to me it's not just sex- it's trust and connection. The sex is an afterthought- a benefit. So I like being reminded during the day; I like to be mindful of my place- I enjoy it.
Anyways- where was I? Sorry- I went off on another tangent. Vacation, right! I enjoyed myself but I was happy to be home. Friday I was in one hell of a bratty mood- I get like that sometimes. So I texted Kinky a few messages just because I could. I wanted to see how far I could push. I told him "ha! there's nothing you can do about it because you're not here." Like I said I'm a spankaholic so I was trying to push him so next time we met I had a few punishments coming my way, hehe. He texted me back "meet me at your place after work." Mwahahahahaha! My evil plan work- wait, what?! Today?! Trouble- I'm in big trouble! He'd asked me earlier what kind of panties I was wearing- well I have boring cotton bikinis and then I have my cute panties. That morning I put on some boring panties, pulled on a pair of jeans, put my hair in a ponytail, no makeup- screw it! I'm not trying to impress anyone at work. Lesson #552- always be prepared to see Kinky at any time- that includes cute panties, hair done and preferably girly clothes or else you are in trouble- especially for the panties! Note to self- get rid of boring cotton panties- STAT!
Why do my plans always backfire? I'm thinking I have time to prepare and store up some punishments but no! Now not only have I gotten myself in trouble again by mouthing off- but I have broken Kinky's rule! I'm not dressed accordingly! Fail! It's not like I could say "yeah- that time really doesn't work for me, can we reschedule to sometime next week?" It's not a freakin dental appointment! It's an appointment for my ass to get one hell of a beating! On the way home I'm thinking "Great! What kind of punishment have I gotten myself into now?!" He texts me- "how's the drive?" I can't help myself that day. I'm in a bratty mood and I just want to push buttons. I figure, well I'm already in trouble- why not push him a little mroe?! Let's see what you got! I text back "Oh horrid! I'm on my way to meet an evil man that shows no mercy!" "Well the longer you make him wait the more it will hurt." Ooooooh- is that a challenge Mister? "Maybe he needs to learn some patience. I'll get there when I want to!" He texts back "I am patient. It is just a question of what you will do to please me." Dammit! Using my subbiness nature to want to please against me. Fine! You win! "I'm trying my best."
As I'm driving I realize- Kinky probably knows me well enough by now that I'm pushing buttons so he will spank me- so as a punishment I'm betting I wont get spanked! I'll be lucky to just get a tap on my ass! My plans never work. I always sabotage myself. I'm expecting to have a few moments to gather my thoughts before he shows up at my house- but as I pull up to my house I notice his truck is already parked in front of my house- aw man! Oh and he's not sitting in his truck- he is waiting for me in the driveway! Gulp. Yes I know he would never do anything horribly wrong but he knows how to use scare tactics very well and he knows they always work on me. My mind is my worst enemy. I get out of my car- should I be happy to see him at this point or fearing for my behind? "Hello Miss. How was your day?" Well it was going great! Not really sure how it will end though. We get inside- I'm expecting him to shove me down on the ground or slam me against a wall or something- he's too calm! You're driving me crazy here! He always does the complete opposite of what I expect- you do that on purpose Kinky? I know you like to keep me on my toes but come on!
Kinky is just standing there talking, very calmly while my mind is racing through different scenarios. Also I'm distracted by the cuteness! What can I say? I have a thing for dark hair and blue eyes. I'm torn- I don't know if I should be waiting for the punishment or admiring the cuteness. I'm excited because I know I'm so close to getting the spanking I want- it's been over a week since the last one! Inside I'm jumping up and down "I'm gonna get a spanking! I'm gonna get a spanking! Yipee!" Or maybe I'm not- maybe that's my punishment- no spanking. He gives me a hug "I missed you."- well I missed him too. Very much so- I enjoy his company. We hug for a while- then I find myself pinned against a wall yet again- yummy! I like the feeling of his body against mine. Mmmmm- the whispering begins. "Did you miss my hands in your hair, pulling your hair? Did you miss my hand around your throat? My hand on your ass? Did you miss my cock in your tight pussy? Did you miss knowing your my slut? My fuck toy to do with as I please?" God you have no idea!!! Dammit- why does dirty talk get to me so much? He starts biting my neck and pulls down my shirt and bites my shoulders. Then he pulls away and sits down in a chair "get on your knees." Oh- ok, oral- always up for that :) "no lay across my lap" Wait, what? Huh? Oh- no, no, no! I am not 5- you are not turning me over your knee to spank me! Like hell I'll stand for that! Wait, wait! OMG- I am laying across his lap like a 5 year old!!! Spank! I am getting spanked over his knee! Spank! OMG! He hits my legs "let your legs go, I got you." No! I am not a child dammit! Let me get up! "Let your legs go!" He smacks my legs harder- alright alright! Spank, spank, spank! This is kind of humiliating! But then again- isn't that part of the draw to D/s? OK- go ahead. He lifts up my shirt and smacks my back- Yow! Totally unexpected! It's odd- your body gets used to a certain type of pain- like I can handle spankings a lot more that I used to be able to- but the back- not a place I'm used to yet so it's pretty tender. I'm not sure whether I should like it or not! Still undecided.
After a bit he tells me to get up. He leads me back to my room and tells me to lay down on my stomach- I do and he holds down my arms and starts spanking me- hard. He tries to pull my jeans down- No!!!!!Not a good idea- boring panties! He flips me over and takes his knee and holds my arm down- Yike! That's gonna leave a bruise! I still try and fight him- he pushes my arm down harder and grabs my hair and yanks "why are you fighting me?" "Because" "That's not an answer. We've already been over this! A shrug or because is not an answer- so why?" "They need to stay up." "Why?" I get an idea- hmmm. What will he do if I just refuse to answer? I sit there and look him in the eye like "make me answer. What you gonna do about it?" I wait to see- I guess he figured out my tactic because he just sits there and waits. Damn- nothing, that's what he's going to do because he knows I want a reaction out of him. Fine! I tell him and he says "well too bad- they're coming down anyways!" He flips me back over and pulls down my pants and spanks me- he gets my back a few times too. Then he turns me over again and shoves my arms down and smacks me on my stomach, ribs, chest. Ahhh! I can't help my reaction- WTF! You're hitting me?! I get mad for a minute- you violent son of a- wait, hehe. Hello! Isn't most of what we do considered hitting? Spanking is hitting- hell we even use instruments to make the blow have more impact! I've just never had anyone smack me on my stomach before and I guess it's just a natural reaction to want to protect your stomach from trauma. I can't help but tense up. Also in my mind I'm trying to figure out if this is a punishment or is it for enjoyment? I still honestly don't know if that is something I enjoy or not.
Kinky lays on top of me and says "I think I'll just lay here for a while." He literally lays on top of me- I sit there just waiting for him to make a move. Whatcha planning? You know- I could so take you! I'm strong! I try to pull out of his grip- nope. I keep trying- I could take you! Let's wrestle! I keep struggling- fine I guess I'm not going to win- as usual. I say "Fine! You win! Do what you want!" "Good- you finally learned if you just give in and let me be in control things actually happen." He bites my neck- oh God, I go crossed eyed- Mmmmm! Didn't know I liked biting so much. Seriously- you want me to shut up or just not able to think- bite my neck! It's my kryptonite apparently! He helps me stand up and leads me back out to the living room and tells me to sit down- what the hell do you have planned next?! Oh- we're just talking. Ok- hehe. But when he starts talking all I can think about the whole time is how I just want to jump on him and start making out!!! Like teenagers- rolling all over the floor, wrestle, get out some sexual frustration and stick our tongues down each others throats!!! Nope- he's done, we're just talking. Not the time :(
I just want to say it is nice to have someone to explore things with and I always feel safe and in a good place. It's nice to have someone to trust and you know you can be yourself completely and there's no pressure. I hope I can create the same environment for him as well. It's nice to just talk about whatever is on our minds. I don't judge and I know he doesn't- so it is nice to just speak my mind and I like to hear his thoughts as well. I have trouble trusting someone that much but I am glad that I have found one I can trust.
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